With boxed and bracketed reflections on the past twelve months (since December 1, 2006), our annual online letter is a chronological supplement to our online Soul Mates: More Than Partners. The purpose of this lengthy online account is to provide further insights about one gay couple which has been together for more than fifty years – what some of their thoughts are, and how they spend their time. Trinity College (CT) our alma mater has agreed to maintain this website along with our www.philosophy-religion.org as part of the future endowed Nolan-Pingpank Fund.

DECEMBER 2006

We received an invitation to the annual clergy Christmas Party (for Monday, Dec. 4th) given by Bishop Leo Frade and his wife Diana - worded, perhaps for the first time, to include clergy “spouse/guest.” We attended the North Miami event in the beautiful cloisters of the historic, Episcopal Monastery of St. Bernard de Clairvaux. Although there are some very anti-gay clergy and laity in the Diocese of Southeast Florida, we ran into none; the party was exceptional in every way. We were the first to take our place at a table that would minimize Rich’s walking on the hard floor to the buffet. As it turned out, we were situated at a spot that nearly everyone passed. We held court!

The Monastery grounds were put to good use on an evening with delightful weather. Food, tables, and mingling were all suitable within the cloisters as well as in the open air.

serving and dining tables within the cloisters (such as above) made the event weatherproof

Bishop Frade stopped by as he circulated; his wife Diana sat and chatted for a while. Sharing the table for the meal was retired Bishop Cal Schofield (with whom Rich was in seminary for a year) and his wife Elaine, and Robert (a gentle priest all of 82 years old). Additionally, Fr. Jeff and Susan Beebe with their two small sons (in the nursery most of the time) dined with us; we knew them before Jeff went to seminary, and Rich had assisted at their marriage. Another single priest Greg was fulltime trauma chaplain at a West Palm Beach hospital. A number of others stopped by for a “hello.”

Bishop Schofield – a couple of years ago

Toward the end of the evening a drawing was held. Just as Rich and Cal remarked to each other that they never win anything, Rich’s number was called out; he had won a fifty dollar dining certificate for Carrabba’s, a fine Italian restaurant chain, one of which opened in our region! The whole evening was upbeat; we felt very much among friends and the larger church community.

The next day Bob visited John P. in a nearby hospital; with his partner Eddie he participates in Integrity-Palm Beach and often worships on Saturday evenings. Outdoors John had fallen from the top of a ladder which resulted in a smashed knee and broken shoulder. Rich can’t walk on the hospital floors, and, further, he must limit his “retired ministry” to Saturday evenings. Bob prayed with John and administered the laying-on-of-hands with the prayer we both use and love, “Receive the Holy Spirit for your comfort, for strength to cope, and for the healing power of Christ’s love in your life.” Eddie called to thank Bob for his pastoral care.

Luncheon was on our calendar the next day at Carl H.’s nearby, refurbished condo. Delightful food and terrific conversation among the three of us! Carl is active in Saint Andrew’s (and Integrity-Palm Beach). He is voracious reader of scholarly philosophical and theological studies.

Bob took in the auto show at the West Palm Beach Convention Center on Thursday the 7th. This is so enjoyable for him; Rich stays put at home.

front portion of the Convention Center

In the evening we attended a reception at the DTR Modern Galleries (which handles Warhol and many others), Worth Avenue, in Palm Beach sponsored by Compass. The event was held to express appreciation to a number of supporters. About 50+ were on hand – many familiar faces and not a moment without conversation or gourmet refreshments!

photo below

photo from the Palm Beach Daily News  - between us, Mike Zewe (Events Coordinator at Compass) 

The periodic Buckler’s “Craft Extravaganza” at the South Florida Fairgrounds is best visited as soon as it opens on Friday at five p.m. Some wonderful, unique talents were exhibited on the 8^th. Other than one, hand-painted Christmas ornament, we agreed that we have absolutely no space for anything more!

The South Florida Fairgrounds campus is within a 20 minute drive of our home.

An excellent Christmas drama for adults (written by Mrs. Margot Emery, convener of Integrity-Palm Beach), took the place of the sermon at the 6 p.m. St. Andrew’s Service. It conveyed beautifully the wonder of the coming Christmas Season. (Integrity does not meet again until the 2^nd Saturday of January.) Afterwards, a low-key, festive pot-luck supper provided an opportunity for casual conversations. [On a sour note, there was some applause by a few after the Christmas drama as well some who insist on a “traveling Peace” – both of which interrupt of the spirit of worship; Rich is especially repelled by these disruptive practices. Fortunately, on the 3^rd and 4^th Saturdays, the liturgies clearly exclude the possibilities of such outbursts.]           

our Hanukkah flag – Dec. 15

The annual “Cocktails for Compass” at Club Colette, Palm Beach, was on our calendar for the 17th. A gathering of 130 feasted, chatted, danced, and listened to a very few, short addresses extolling the work of Compass. Everyone received the same dinner; from the menu: “Jumbo Lump Crabcake with Country Salad,” “Sliced Filet Mignon” with odds and ends, and “Individual Baked Alaska,” plus beverages. We have been there other times and are always amazed that the valets, who provide guests with no tickets of any sort, actually commit to memory who goes with which vehicle; they begin to retrieve a guest’s car as soon as they spot the guest approaching the courtyard to leave. In just moments the car doors are opened by extraordinarily courteous young men. Apparently on a winning streak, we were notified that we won a sitting with a photographer! The result is the new picture on the home page of Our Scrapbook website. 

at Club Colette – photo from the Palm Beach Daily News 

the unassuming entrance to Club Colette

The newspaper article below is significant, in that it is a positive, gay-related account of an event local to the Town of Palm Beach – as was the prior week’s story about the Dec. 7th Compass gathering at DTR Modern Galleries on Worth Avenue. The combined reports normalize publication of occasions that just a few years ago would have been unmentionable in the region. 'Cocktails for Compass' grows into dinner dance at Club Colette from the Palm Beach Daily News Sunday, January 07, 2007             When a charity's main fundraiser grows from a cocktail reception to a dinner dance, it's a good sign. Sort of like a pencil mark on the charity doorjamb, if you will.             That's how it is for the folks at Compass, Inc. Only four years into the benefit scene, the event is now a full-out bash.             "Cocktails for Compass" took place Dec. 17 at Club Colette.             Sonja Abrahamson was chairwoman of the event, which began with cocktails, hors d'oeuvres and a silent auction in the club's intimate courtyard.             From there, guests moved inside for dinner, dancing and live entertainment.             Palm Beach fashion designer Alfred Fiandaca was chairman.             Proceeds from the event assist Compass Inc., the gay and lesbian resource and community center of Palm Beach County, in its mission to provide HIV services, as well as youth and family services, to more than 15,000 clients annually.

We were surprised to discover in the book Trinity College in the Twentieth Century (published in 2000) both of us are among the many people listed in the personal name index. A picture (p. 205) of the Canterbury Club, 1958-1959, included what must have been the Club’s final picture, and there we are among 40 fellow students (many of whom were not truly active participants). Rich was president (and Bob vice-president) and led the revolution to disestablish the organization. The new anti-intellectual chaplain, a former parish priest, was trying to use the Club for narrow purposes of his own design; it appeared that he was trying to create an Episcopal “parish” of which he was the quasi-rector, instead of modeling his ministry as a college chaplaincy that included and respected a strong academic aspect. Dealing with undergraduates’ questions about religion is very important, and he was not up to it and seemingly disinterested. By invitation, Rich wrote a lengthy piece for the College newspaper that analyzed and berated the chaplaincy for its willful inadequacies. It was a shocker for many faculty members and students to see in print what we were all talking about anyway. Angry with Rich, the chaplain declared publicly that Rich was unfit for ordination! He was ignored, and a top administrator (now deceased) expressed to Rich that he wished the chaplain would leave. He did - in frustration about 5 years later – and returned to parish work. (See pages 212-213.) Many years later Rich ran into him again while Rich was part-time pastor of St. Paul’s, Bantam (CT), and the former chaplain sent him a hundred dollars for parish use. Strange how some things work out!

Because some limiting health issues began to turn up at random times, Rich felt that it would be a good time to reduce his Saturday night responsibilities at St. Andrew’s. More of the practicality “to everything there is a season ….!” Effective with January, he retained responsibility for the 3rd and 4th Saturdays; Fr. Paul Rasmus for the 1st; and an assortment of celebrants and preachers for the 2nd – when Integrity gathers. To discuss this change and other parish matters, Paul joined us for lunch in our home on the 19th. We had a most pleasant and fruitful conversation. The Saturday transition was seamless.

It was a week before Christmas, and all through the … Publix grocery store, men and women of all ages (including affluent, retired folks) looked grouchy, aggressive, sour and stressed. We went about our shopping - cheerfully, courteously, enjoyably and relaxed. We must have appeared very peculiar to those on edge! In the evening we commented that this was the most serene pre-Christmas week that we’d ever had. Even in recent years there have been Services and sermons to prepare; this year a truly calm Advent.

The weekend leading into Monday’s Christmas Day was delightful! Prior to Saturday’s Service, Mike Z. (Events Coordinator at Compass) and his friend, also “Mike,” joined us for lunch at the Saturday buffet offered by the Wellington Country Club; Mike gave us the certificate we won at the Club Colette fund raiser.

Wellington Country Club

Christmas Eve was spent at home with a pleasant evening of catching up with recorded TV programs and snuggling in for a good night’s sleep.

our Christmas flag


An approximation of our festively lighted house exterior at night – the street light distorts colors in the photo.

The family room tree from Bob’s parents is more than 45 years old.

The lighted village, about 75 years old, is from Bob’s parents; the train is our addition.

Room for not one more ornament! The small tree to the right belonged to Rich’s mother.

Christmas Day was mixed! The turkey went in the oven at 9:15 a.m. – just before we drove to Saint Andrew’s. It was wonderful for us to be able to sit together as congregants.

Our well learned dance around the kitchen produced Christmas dinner shortly after noon – the right time for Rich’s schedule. No low sugar attack on Christmas!  After his nap Rich awoke to find Bob dreadfully nauseous with an abdominal (not chest) pain and intestinal symptoms.

At 5 o’clock we were able to visit across the street with sisters Jo and Ann and with the latter’s son and daughter-in-law Rob and Debra; we exchange gifts annually. Within a half hour Bob had to dash home, followed by Rich; fierce nausea returned. Bob’s evening was spent in bed uncomfortably with intermittent dozing; Rich was at his side until 8, when he turned in also, with both rooms’ intercoms on.

The next day saw some improvement for Bob. Even so, he was in bed most of the day with a slight temperature. On the next day Rich was hit with the same horror. The week was wiped out until the morning of New Year’s Eve!

On the 29th our generator operated for just under an hour. For some reason the power in our region shut off midday, and the generator did its job automatically and seamlessly – its first real test!

The same day we received an authorized copy of a touching gift in the form of a forwarded email originating with a young man to a good friend at church. He received the weekly announcement of the Saturday Service other than from Rich and wondered if all was well. Assured by the recipient that there was no crisis, he wrote: “Please send him my ‘Get Well’ wishes. Saint Andrews (and Canon Nolan and Bob) will always have a special place in my heart, as it was meeting them and grilling them seriously about the Episcopal church at a Palm Beach County (Gay) Pridefest that moved me to return to the church, and, of course, Saint Andrews was the church that re-welcomed me so openly. I shall never forget that.” A lovely way to close down 2006 and prepare to open our 2007!           

Rich watches “Meet the Press” almost every Sunday morning. Part of the appeal is host Tim Russert’s truthfulness, with neither spin nor deception. Rare these days! How his penetrating questions expose the waffling, spin attempts, pseudo-diplomacy, and outright dishonesty by some guests – which often includes top White House people!

Ann and Jo spent a greater part of the afternoon of New Year’s Eve with us. Ordinarily asleep for the midnight “transition,” we were awakened at 11:45 by our dog Tenno’s barking in response to the illegal fireworks. Rich comforted him until they stopped. By then, it was 2007!

Tenno and Comes open their annual Christmas basket from Ann and Jo while the four of us looked on

A friend commented in an email, “When one tunes out the mad rush of commercialism, (and family expectations), it can be a wonderful time of year.” So true! During the Christmas season many, perhaps most, gay men and women feel, to some degree, an estrangement from their biological relatives – at least from some of them – who (in willful ignorance and pseudo-superiority combined with the many jealousies and hostilities permeating “family” relationships for decades) routinely disapprove of most lives different from their own. Especially, if the gay member(s) of the clan are content, affluent, and thriving, the contemptuous relatives find it irresistible to use Christmas, birthdays, milestones, and so on as a time to ignore their unacceptable kin. LGBT people learn this reality well and live with a maturing indifference to (and “divorce” of) many – sometimes all – in their biological “families,” while creating for themselves an authentic family among those who are closely united to them in genuine bonds of affection. So did Jesus! This type of rebuff makes thriving LGBT people very strong and independent in all areas of life – including self-styled “gay establishment” norms. We learn that primary acceptance is from within, not through disingenuous conformity. However, for LGBT folks whose lives have not turned out well, the rejection can be particularly wounding. Related: given these realities, it is prudent for LGBT people of all adult ages to have suitable lawyers develop unassailable wills. Like vultures, some biological relatives might come out of the woodwork to scavenge punitively and greedily. Worthy potential heirs might include partners, appropriate religious associations, educational institutions, health-related charities, individuals who are authentic family and friends, and so on. And, one more thing: everyone should have “advance medical directives” prepared – which in Florida include (1) DECLARATION [“living” or “mercy” will] with a “Self-Proof of Declaration and Mercy Will” and (2) “DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY CONTAINING HEALTH CARE SURROGATE PROVISIONS AND PROVISIONS RELATING TO TRANSFER OF REAL PROPERTY INCLUDING HOMESTEAD PROPERTY.” Although there are kits for “do-it-yourself” preparations, an attorney’s expertise will ensure conformity to state law.

JANUARY, 2007

Another quiet day at home on New Year’s Day – with a welcome, unrushed call from Ken and Alec, some emails, and a delivery of Ann’s steaming, home-made, lentil soup! A marvelous treat for supper!

We wondered momentarily why we are not frenzied, leaping about, or overly exuberant about the New Year – or for that matter so many of the other major holidays and special events. Perhaps we have just grown accustomed to virtually every retirement day being self-paced and filled with an easy-going, contented happiness. There is absolutely no reason for us “to get away from it all,” shriek, get drunk, or exhibit similar American traditions and values. For us, each day brings its laughter and very little solemnity. Unhappiness occurs only when we share someone else’s sadness or when a medical “event” gives us pause – with its dose of apprehensiveness, a conscious touch of our mortality. And, then, there’s a smile, a touch, or a word – and the best parts of reality again lead the way. We are an Easter family! Is it unwholesome, especially for retirees, to be truly contented – neither cowering before challenges nor requiring chronic stress or frequent bursts of high-energy activity? Does our USA culture promote constant euphoria as the clue to a quality life for all? In this regard we are fine with being very “un-American!”

President Ford’s televised funeral was very touching. He was an exceptional man of decency, integrity, candor, understated dignity, courage, intelligence, overall humility, and religious modesty - the last such President we can remember who combined these qualities. The grief so evident in Mrs. Ford and her family was devoid of any accompanying theatrics – as were all the observances. What's more, despite the hysterics and awfulness of extreme right-wing Episcopalians (all in the name of “orthodoxy”) the Episcopal Church shone within the National Cathedral liturgy (as well as during the televised Christmas Day Service).

President Ford was “one of the last of the moderate Republicans and a vocal supporter of gay rights in his later years. In 2002, he joined the advisory board of the Republican Unity Coalition, a group of gay people and straight allies working for more acceptance of LGBT Americans and issues within the party. At the time, he was asked by lesbian columnist Deb Price if gay couples should receive equal benefits and replied, ‘I think they ought to be treated equally. Period.’” An ideal Republican!

In his Cathedral sermon, President Ford’s California rector the Rev. Dr. Robert G. Certain commented, “Early this past summer, as I prepared to leave for the General Convention of the Episcopal Church, President Ford’s concern was for the church he loved. He asked me if we would face schism. After we discussed the various issues we would consider, particularly concerns about human sexuality and the leadership of women, he said he did not think they should be divisive for anyone who lived by the Great Commandments to love God and neighbor. He then asked me to work for reconciliation within the Church. I assured him I would, just as he had worked for reconciliation within the nation thirty years ago.”

Peggy Ornell (former lay canon administrator at “Rich’s” Christ Church Cathedral, Hartford) and her spouse Canon Ken Ornell concluded about a 1 year interim ministry at Holy Trinity, WPBeach. Before they left the region in mid-January for an Indiana assignment, we all had lunch at Legal Seafood. With common roots in New England, the four of us share similar perceptions of Southeast Florida and of the Church.

Ken and Peggy Ornell at Legal Seafood – Jan. 4, 2007

An evening pot luck supper and guest lecture on religion and science at St. Andrew’s was on the calendar for Friday, Epiphany Eve. Margot, hostess of the event, sat the speaker (a very attractive woman probably in her 30s) and her friends/colleagues from Florida Atlantic University (Boca Raton) with us, and we chatted non-stop. It is rare for Rich to have an opportunity to talk here with an academic who shares so many of his academic interests. The parish hall was filled; her presentation was tops!

In the gentlest of morning breezes, the Epiphany flag welcomes a new liturgical season

Excerpt from Steve Gushee’s Friday column in the Palm Beach Post: “The Christmas season may end on Epiphany, but the Epiphany actually enhances and extends the Christmas message. The emerging holy season makes the glad shout that this child born of Mary is the visible presence of God in the world. Wise men bring him gifts indicating their obedient submission to his will. “The Epiphany encourages the faithful to continue the celebration of Jesus' birth, and that season lasts for 4 to 9 weeks depending on the date of Easter. Easter itself, the longest season in the Christian calendar and intentionally 10 days longer than Lent, is over and done with for most of the faithful by sundown on the day of Resurrection. Having spent 40 days in penitential preparation for the Resurrection, the faithful sing a chorus of Easter hymns and return to an existence essentially unchanged by the miracle of new life that Easter proclaims. “Centuries of a deeply penitential Christian faith have taken their toll. Much popular Christianity is preoccupied with the temptation to sin, driven by a compulsion to earn salvation and convert everyone to that grim gospel. Christmas, however, brought the Christ child to everyone. Epiphany makes him known as the son of God. Easter is the promise of new life to the world. Joy, not penance, is the essential mark of Christianity. Exuberant celebration is the fundamental sign of the faith, boundless joy its greatest witness.”

A return trip to Legal Seafood on Epiphany (Saturday) for an always delightful luncheon with Trish W. – indisputably a close and faithful friend! With no evening church responsibilities, we stayed home with some Netflix entertainment.

Ray H. joined us for a noontime Sunday dinner on the 14th followed two days later by our noon (main) meal with by Vance O. and John L. 

In mid-January a poinsettia plant remains in bloom on the northwest side of the house.

A window table at the Seawatch Restaurant in Pompano Beach is the lovely setting for our annual luncheon with Eva and Wolfgang H. Eva had taught with Rich in CT; years ago when we lived in Bristol, they gave us a mezuzah – which now greets everyone entering our River Bridge home. We were on hand for their daughter Judy’s marriage to Bob G.; Rich officiated at the ecumenical home Service. Now Bob and Judy (the former on the faculty of MIT, the latter a professor of chemistry at Brandeis) have two young-adult daughters who, like their parents and H. grandparents, excel in everything they undertake.   

Seawatch Restaurant – oceanside

We learned that the videotaped interview for the ACLU project on ten gay couples is temporarily available at www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmjSQ0GJTW4 and that hopefully by Valentine’s Day it will be at www.10couples.org. At this writing, the latter website remains inactive.

On the 3rd Saturday evening of the month Rich led the adult forum at church on Islam. The group of 21 was spirited and inquisitive; it was great to have input from parishioner Fred C., a semi-retired university administrator who has had first-hand experience with Muslim cultures. The next evening we were off to Ft. Lauderdale for a superb dinner in their Fort Lauderdale oceanside, high-rise condo of Bill D. and Mike R.

Right after the weekend it was necessary to have a new lawn irrigation pump installed, after eight years of use; we’ve been able to lower our water bills significantly (enough to pay for the equipment and also reduce lawn watering expenses) by connecting to our lake.

Hidden behind east side bushes, the irrigation pump can be switched to city water, if there were to be a need to conserve lake water – unlikely, because the lake level is now aided by a connection to a County managed resource.

In the morning shade with dew drops all over, an east side poinsettia planted a year ago has blossomed well. Poinsettias will bloom only in certain locations in the yard. Those that do not bloom are very attractive green bushes. 

We are pleased that most all of the schools with which we have been students or faculty members have included us as a couple in various alumni publications. See many of the schools in www.philosophy-religion.org – the CV subsite.

Eve F., Director of Gift Planning at our alma mater Trinity College, visited with us mid-morning on Friday the 26th. Much reminiscing and exchanged information.

Eve

Two days later New York University’s Erin D. (a Senior Development Officer at the Steinhardt School of the University) joined us for our evening meal and conversation. We were shocked to hear of the death of the 54 year old wife of NYU President John Sexton. Out of the blue, a brain aneurism took her just a week ago. Dr. Sexton could not be present for Monday’s NYU gathering in Boca. So very sad!

While chatting with Dr. Debra L. (Senior Vice President for Development and Alumni Relations), Rich mentioned his folder containing his N.Y.U. administrative papers (letter of admissions, research design for his dissertation, vote of the final examining committee recommending that the Ph.D. be granted, a letter from Dr. Cherbonnier, and so on). She suggested that he send the material to the University Archives! Alan Shapiro (NYU’s Director of Gift Planning), who has visited our home in past years) said that he would be glad to receive it and take it to the Archives. Properly bound, it was sent on Feb. 5th. Later in the month Rich was notified that it is “a great asset for NYU” and “our researchers will benefit.”

With Erin D. at the NYU gathering at the Boca Country Club

An entryway doorpost in our home greets everyone with symbols of the three Abrahamic religions: Judaism, Christian, and Islam. The mezuzah (top) was a gift years ago from Eve and Wolfgang H. and graced our Connecticut home for years, and now in Florida. The first cross was positioned below it in 2005 as we celebrated our 50th anniversary, and the cross beneath is one we have had for quite some time. In January (2007) the Islamic symbol was added.  

Bismillah
“The first and foremost characteristic of Islamic art is the universal usage ofArabic script. A beautiful artistic expression of faith in Islam is the scripted ‘Bismillah’ - which translates: In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Most Merciful.”
See Sumon Studios at www.sumon.com.  Also, see the articles about Islam at www.philosophy-religion.org.

Tenno’s 12th birthday was on January 30th. He wasn’t pleased with his monthly bath – which, however, he and Comes put up with very well.

Happy Birthday, Tenno!

FEBRUARY 2007

On Friday the second at St. Andrew’s, the Rev. Harry S. Coverston delivered an evening lecture “Religion, Science and Sex.” Having earned an M.Div. (seminary degree), Ph.D. (scholar), and J.D. (lawyer) – a spectacular combination, he gave permission for posting the lecture in the “All Handouts” section of www.philosophy-religion.org. (We had to leave at the midpoint, because Rich wasn’t feeling well, but fortunately we had the script.)

Harry and Rich at the pot luck supper preceding the lecture

We “cashed in” our winning Compass certificate with a Sunday afternoon sitting with a very fine West Palm Beach photographer (who has very flexible hours). Our 70th birthdays due at the end of May, we had our picture taken - dressed up far more than we usually prefer. It is amazing what can be done via computer to touch up colors, unwanted folds in a suit coat, razor burn, and stray hairs! With our consent, he plans to use the picture in his ad for the coming PrideFest booklet. Have we, at 70, become “male models”? (photo on website home page.) J

A year before we met, Rich enrolled in a post-graduate course at Tabor Academy (MA); the 1954 Tabor summer program preceded the 1954-5 school year. During that summer, Rich and Eugene “Frosty” P. met and decided to room together for the September through May period. Frosty was an excellent student and athlete, and after Tabor completed his B.A. in economics at Harvard. A few years ago they, and Frosty’s wife Nancy, reconnected, and the four of us have been meeting annually for luncheon either at their Delray Beach seasonal home or ours.

On Wednesday the 7th (the 5th anniversary of Rich’s heart attack), we joined them at their condo for a lovely luncheon Nancy prepared. Friendships begun over 50 years ago become more precious every year. As with every visit, we talked endlessly (not just about Tabor) but about life as it continues to evolve for us all – including unwelcome medical intrusions! There was an energizing spirit of genuine camaraderie among us. As we left their home, we felt an abiding sense of affection for them and no small degree of awe at the time span that has passed since the mid-1950s. (photos below)

We were invited to a gathering of about two dozen people on Friday (9th) evening at the beautiful home of Ann and Tom J. in Palm Beach for an updating about Trinity College. We were unaware of the somewhat hidden “Everglades Island” setting within the island Town of Palm Beach; man-made several decades ago, the neighborhood consists of a number of homes with lovely water views either toward West Palm Beach or a sizable inlet whose opposite shore is  a pleasing-to-the-eye, 18-hole golf course!

The photo below includes Trinity’s President Jimmy Jones, who led the “Prayers of the People” at our 50th Anniversary Service at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine, N.Y.C., in October of 2005. He spoke briefly of the superbly increased number of applications for admission by top students, the fine progress of the current 300 million dollar capital gifts campaign, and so on. He announced that our evening hosts are endowing a professorial chair in biology – among their several past magnificent gifts to the College. The event was filled with terrific conversations before, during, and after dinner!

Trinity is very special to us. As Trinity freshmen, we began our journey together in September, 1955! Without Trinity, we would not have met, and, therefore, our lives would have been wholly different and undoubtedly lacking in every way. The education we received at Trinity was truly the “liberal arts” – studies that liberated us intellectually (and emotionally) so that without ant models for living as a couple, we were able to create a life that was genuine and yet realistically accommodating to employment realities. Moreover, such studies provided us with an introduction to a thoughtful, heartfelt Christianity plus a broad background, such that there has been no such thing as boredom – even during these retirement years. We are “McCook Fellows” at Trinity, a college Society of those who include Trinity in a bequest provision.

Bob, President Jimmy Jones, and Rich

Phyllis and Leonard G., Ann T., Jimmy Jones, Rich and Bob

Our patio table, one of three – the other two inside -  included (clockwise from left) President Jimmy Jones, Phyllis and Leonard G., Tari and spouse V.P. Ron J., Rich’s empty chair (he took the photo), Bob, and alumna Khooshe A.
More photos on the Trinity website at www.alumniconnections.com/olc/pub/TNC/photogallery/Florida%20Album

Thee annual luncheon for Boston Latin School alumni and friends also met in Palm Beach at the Brazilian Court’s Café Boulard. (www.thebraziliancourt.com)

Those arriving for 12:30 cocktails tended to collect at our dining room entrance.

About 40 heard Head Master Dr. Cornelia Kelley’s report on the oldest public school in the United States (founded in 1635) and the new rigors of the modernized classical curriculum. Alumnus and former Head Master Michael Contompasis, currently Boston’s Superintendent of Schools, addressed us from the broad view of his present post illuminated by insights of a Latin School student and administrator.

During the cocktail hour Cornelia chatted unhurriedly with us, as she does each year; she has always been most gracious. Since we last saw her, Simmons College in Boston, awarded her am honorary doctorate for her outstanding achievements in education. Michael came by, too, and Rich had a chance to exchange a few words with him just before we left.

The eldest alumnus was a most likeable 93-year-old chap looking much younger. At our table, seated beside Bob, was a 1937 graduate – the year we were born! A couple who were celebrating 50 years of marriage was on Rich’s right, lovely people with whom we dined last year. One other member of Rich’s 1954 class attended, Eugene O., who sat to Rich’s right in home room!

courtyard within Brazilian Court

There was no hint whatsoever that this message from the Head Master would be forthcoming on Friday.            

Within the hour of receiving the above announcement, we received an e-mail from Cornelia thanking us for our Valentine (it’s her favorite day) and some warm personal comments. A few hours later the Boston Globe reported:

Friday, February 16, 2007
Boston Latin headmaster to retire

By Tracy Jan, Globe Staff
            Cornelia A. Kelley will retire as the leader of Boston Latin School on June 30 after serving as the esteemed institution's first female headmaster.
            Kelley announced her plans today to teachers, students, parents, and alumni.
            "It's time for the next generation to take over," Kelley said in an interview.
            During her nine-year tenure, Kelley oversaw a $32 million renovation that included a new library, dining hall, and visual and performing arts center. Kelley began her career at the school in 1980 as an English teacher, and later went on to teach Latin and Greek, before becoming assistant headmaster in 1987.
            A panel of parents, student, faculty, and alumni will be involved in selecting her replacement.
            Founded in 1635, Boston Latin is the oldest public school in the United States.
            We shall miss our annual Palm Beach County visits, and occasional exchanges at other times, although we hope to be in touch as time goes on. Probably by this time next year her successor will have been appointed. She will be a “hard act to follow” at Latin School.
            On Tuesday the 13th, the day before Cornelia’s announcement, with Margot and Herb we celebrated Herb’s 90th birthday (a few months early) at our annual Breakers luncheon with them. Both are St. Andrew’s parishioners. Currently Margot (wife, mother and grandmother) is convener of Integrity-Palm Beach. (www.IntegrityPalmBeach.org)

The Breakers – Palm Beach

For a few years we have had a window table in the Seafood Bar, one of several Breakers restaurants.

(Feb. 14) Valentine’s Day - Our flag fluttered in the wind as a series of weather fronts pass through.

A letter from N.Y.U. Dean Mary Brabeck arrived with the news that Rich’s Living Issues In Philosophy is now “displayed in our history of the Steinhardt School case in my office. The Dean’s floor showcases the extraordinary work of the Steinhardt faculty books, art, and music – and our distinguished alumni.” It is interesting that the most reassuring comments seem to come along when one is retired – rather than at a younger, working age when, truly, one could use some encouragement along the way! 

On Presidents’ Day our flag flapped in the frigid morning’s 50 degrees – too brisk to take an outdoor picture! We awoke to a polar low 40s in the morning. This photo is from Rich’s study.

Subsequent to the conclusion of the Anglican Bishops’ gathering in Dar es Salaam on the 19th, Rich had the occasion to write to a concerned parishioner: I just caught up with the stuff and am disappointed - especially with the "recommendations." I regret the time and energies that this ongoing flap will probably take. For myself: 1) Regardless of what the institutional Church is doing, I remain a unique child of God by my baptism; that is who I am. 2) Flowing from that basic identity, my vocation remains to live Christ's Summary of the Law, with grace, as best I can, and to continue to grow in Christ's love and service. 3) My family life remains wholly intact, an oasis of mutual affection, blessed by God for over five decades; we realize that at this time we are nearer death than birth, but we remain an Easter home. 4) Life with my CT and S.E. Fl. bishops remains on course. 5) Our (Bob and my) life with Saint Andrew's Church, Lake Worth, remains on course, as we share in its evolution. 6) Our life with The Episcopal Church remains on course, as we share in its evolution. 7) Our life as United States citizens remains on course, as we share in its evolution. 8) The "Serenity Prayer" is a useful guide with regard to our varied roles on Planet Earth. 9) Other affiliations (e.g., the Anglican Communion) are peripheral and unessential, though enriching; nonetheless, if they become incompatible with who we are and what we're called to do, such affiliations are dispensable - especially if their involvements cause chronic negligence of fundamental responsibilities to God, oneself, and others at hand. I am afraid that we have absolutised "reconciliation" and the notion that "we global Anglicans all need each other" - notions which make for unhelpful rhetoric as realities are faced among those who cannot agree to differ. Sometimes cutting loose from those, however well intended, who might suck the life out of us is necessary. Perhaps the future will allow for a reconnecting. Fortunately, I trust our Presiding Bishop to do what can be done - step by step. But she cannot have a one-item agenda. Nor can we. Life goes on in all of its dimensions - with or without a reasonable involvement in the Anglican Communion.

After a quiet week, on Sunday evening we enjoyed immensely the dinner/evening company of Lt. Col. Michael M., a former parishioner at St. Paul’s, Bantam. We first came to know Michael as a slender, tall-for-his-age twelve-year-old (now 44) – along with his parents (contemporaries with whom we’ve remained in touch), a younger brother and two sisters. Michael was a loyal acolyte, participant in the youth group, and earnest confirmand. After high school he was off to West Point, marriage, the U.S. Army (including service in Iraq), and, this coming fall, his already announced promotion to full Colonel.

Michael has remained an active, informed Episcopalian and was very complimentary about the religious education he received from Rich. In those days his parishioners received individual pre-Confirmation tutorials using Rich’s “Commentary on the Prayer Book Catechism” (available at www.philosophy-religion.org). Although we had not seen him for at least 20 years, Michael e-mails us an (unclassified) Army update on the Iraq war weekly. How touching it is that during his heavily scheduled business trip to Miami, he spent an evening with us for a welcome, non-stop conversation!

Michael with two old men!

On the last day of the month Rich received an e-mail from the Episcopal News Service listing Anglican world news links since February 21st. Among them was a report that the Lambeth Palace Library (London) has listed many of its holdings. A search located his first (edited) book The Diaconate Now residing at the library!
[ENGLAND: “Lambeth Palace library to go online”
www.episcopalchurch.org/3577_82736_ENG_HTM.htm and
www.lambethpalacelibrary.org).]
An enjoyable way to conclude the month!

It is gratifying at this time in our lives to receive invitations to leave a few remembrances of our lives in various places. Whether in directories, websites, archives, alumni magazines, or whatever, it signals to both of us that we have made some modest contributions affecting, however minutely, some individuals and institutions. This feeling might seem immodest, but it is such a reversal of how we started out together – with so much in secret, stressful, and unnoticed. To have lived long enough to experience the beginnings of a greater acceptance of human diversity is truly heartwarming. To be able to offer some of what we have learned (academically, professionally, and personally) is a privilege. Age and credibility do have their rewards!

1. Resolved, the Parish Committee of the Cathedral asks Dean Pendleton and our Parish Committee Chair and Vice-Chair to consult with Bishop Smith about our desire to begin offering pastoral blessings to same-sex couples in the near future.

2. Further resolved, that we encourage the Dean and the Parish Committee leadership to be intentional about offering special gatherings and times when they can be available to listen to the concerns of Cathedral members who might have further questions or concerns about this new ministry.

Rich e-mailed a note to a distinguished Anglican theologian on the faculty of Oxford University. The gist of his note was that when our Lord highlighted the Summary of the Law, “he did not even hint that there might be different levels of faithfulness required of bishops and less commitment by lesser creatures. It seems to me that all Christians are equally bound to this covenant. [Marvelous Saints can be found in all Orders of ministry (which includes the lay Order), and horrid folks as well.]” Rich asked whether it is episcopal arrogance, or elitism of some sort, to target bishops who might be "failing" to live out their baptismal vocation in certain matters, but to ignore the rest of us. “Why should Bishop Robinson alone take the heat for his family life from ‘preservers’? Surely the ‘unity’ symbolism of the episcopate should not be elevated over basic Christian morality as expressed in the Summary! (That symbolism is pretty vague anyway.) Shouldn't Bob and I be under attack, too - along with the countless other lay and ordained, partnered - or otherwise not chaste - LGBT Anglicans? Yet, not one ‘preserver’ has ever consulted us about what it might mean to live as a gay, male family, nor has anyone objected to us, despite our public openness ---- as far as we know. That all gay men are identical in every aspect of their lives is nonsense, though a few ‘preservers’ are tossing around ‘certainties’ about all sorts of stereotypical notions about gay, male behavior!” The theologian responded on the same wave length, noted that Bishop Robinson has become the lightning rod on the gay issue, and wished us well. On matters of faithfulness to Christian living as stated in Christ’s Summary of the Law, we would say, that we are all equally called, whether bishop or layperson. Somehow, along with our hierarchy of Orders (which should be depicted more horizontally as distributed functions rather than vertically as levels of importance) we have invested bishops with greater moral responsibility than the rest of us. There is no way that this can be supported by Scripture.

Rich contributed a thought to the blog Thinking Anglicans (http://www.thinkinganglicans.org.uk): “I do suspect that ‘narcissistic personality disorder’ is at work among many of the current disputes in the Anglican Communion and Episcopal Church. If so, all the issues under discussion are quite secondary. What methods, then, are workable toward reconciliation and resolutions? (www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652) Posted by: Richard T. Nolan on Saturday, 5 May 2007 at 11:59am BST” He thinks that much of the vigorous opposition from global (including the U.S.A.) “preservers” is psychological in nature – which makes for rather fruitless attempts at rational discussions about tender issues among Anglicans, no matter how prayerful. Perhaps exceptionally capable psychotherapists need to be included formally among future deliberators!

Blue Egret	White Ibis	Mocking Bird – Florida state bird

young King Egret	common Cattle Egret	Green Heron	Crow

Anhinga – swimming and airing; they dive under water, too.		Muscovy Duck

Rich commented online in the Palm Beach Post re the (15th) death of Jerry Falwell: Comments -    By Richard T. Nolan May 16, 2007 6:40 AM How can one comment appropriately upon the death of someone who embodied a perversion of the heart and mind of Christianity?

1950-1953	Korean War	United States (as part of the United Nations) and South Korea vs. North Korea and Communist China
1960-1975	Vietnam War	United States and South Vietnam vs. North Vietnam

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” – The Serenity Prayer

One of the highly reliable blogs re the Episcopal Church is “Fr. Jake Stops the World”  (http://frjakestopstheworld.blogspot.com). Although not a “blogger,” Rich wrote (within the June 8th discussion of TIME’s article about the Archbishop of Canterbury): "Just a footnote. Am 70 with iffy elderhealth problems; ordained since 1963; partnered since 1955 (the week we met as college freshmen); formally out in the 1980s to my CT bishop (but willingly transparent well before that); currently retired honorary canon of Christ Church Cathedral, Hartford; celebrated our 50th anniversary at a public liturgy at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine; and so on. I assume that Bishop Robinson & his partner as well as Bob & I (plus the innumerable other partnered LGBT Episcopalians in all orders of ministry) try to live out gracefully the same Baptism and the same "Summary of the Law" declared by Christ. Within that context, would it serve any purpose for all gay couples (able to do so) in all orders of ministry throughout the Episcopal Church, to request our PB to include us all by name as eligible "targets" - now apparently limited to the episcopal order? Bishop Robinson should not be the sole target for "preservers" – just because he is an honest Christian.” Although there was one gracious response pertaining to our years together, there was no reply to Rich’s suggestion. He suspects that our church and state cultures assume that “higher ups” must be “more moral” than those “below” them, in order to be examples, etc. This does not seem to be consistent with Christ’s “one size fits all” Summary of the Law. We do seem to adore caste systems, whether secular or ecclesiastical.

Both of us just realized that, now 70, we may refuse jury duty. Because of back/neck issues, Bob has not had to serve. While working in CT at multiple jobs, Rich was excused. However, in Florida he has been called a couple of times, but never ended up with a court case. On one of the recent jury selection days, he was excused at the request of both lawyers in a civil case. When the judge had asked for comments or questions after the case was introduced, Rich said that during the preliminary presentations, he heard quite a bit about prevailing, winning or the like, but nothing about discovering the truth of the matter. Both lawyers scribbled away, looked at each other, and sent Rich on his way. J

Herbert Steer
(photo by parishioner John Robuck)

After the Service (during which we sat together in the congregation), the June (9th) gathering of Integrity-Palm Beach was terrific! Herb Steer’s 90th birthday (actually later in the month) was celebrated with British food (honoring his origins), a bag piper [whose routine was similar to festivities at Balmoral Castle (for a time Herb was a valet to King George VI)], birthday trifles made by Margot, and the dedication in Herb’s name of a fountain affixed to an exterior wall near the parish hall entrances. Herb’s partner of several decades died a number of years ago, and eventually St. Andrew’s became Herb’s genuine family. In 2006 he was honored by the Bishop with a Lay Ministry Award for his service to St. Andrew’s Church. 

Herb and Fr. Paul at the Dedication of the Herbert Steer Fountain
(photo by parishioner John Robuck) (photo by parishioner John Robuck) A morning post-breakfast ritual – the uncombed “elbow dog” (and similarly groomed Rich) receives a hug and a pat. Flag Day – on a breezeless morning A Saturday (16^th) lunch visit – with $20 discount coupon in hand! www.thebambooclub.com Bamboo Club (photo somewhat blurred)

On the weekend we both (unexpectedly) disposed of piles of accumulated photographs. Those that we kept will be reviewed sometime for the website or discarded. While Bob was out on Sunday evening, Rich filled additional, black, lawn/leaf bags with files of old sermons, addresses to various groups, and resources (dating back to the ‘60s and by and large filed according to the liturgical calendar). This was somewhat reminiscent of the trashing of all of the audio cassette tapes of all of his courses’ lectures after he retired in 1992; this was different, though, in that we will not hear the truck’s compactor crunching all the plastic cassettes!

A Letter in The Living Church – June 17, 2007 Clergy Health             I write in response to "Three Bishops Confront Health Issues" [TLC, June 10].             At 70, I am among the many clergy facing common, elderhealth issues. All of mine afflicted my late parents. I have never been a health fanatic. However, since my heart attack five years ago, I have been especially aware of what appear to be chosen maladies among many fellow clergy - including various degrees of obesity.             In "The Chronicle Review" of the weekly Chronicle of Higher Education (March 11, 2005), biology Professor J. David McDonald wrote, "While I'm not prepared to say that current Christians exhibit greater levels of obesity than the general population (whose levels are reportedly at all-time highs), they certainly do not seem to exhibit lower ones. It has long struck me as perverse that so many sermons rail against the deadly sins of lust and hatred, but when was the last time you were on the receiving end of a detailed admonition against the deadly sin of gluttony? The next one I hear will be the first one I've ever heard."             Excessive alcohol use could rightly be included, too.             Might we add to the Church's visible agenda our health as lay and ordained individuals? This need not be a mean-spirited attack, but an inspiration to consider the many dimensions of our overall well-being - including diseases that are self-inflicted (knowingly or not).             (The Rev. Canon) Richard T. Nolan, Lake Worth, Fla.

With a blue sky above and yesterday’s rain helping to cover the drought induced sandy shore, one of “our” (now foot long) turtles we launched twelve years ago swims by (19th) while giving us a look in the family room window! We can’t tell whether (s)he is content! There are at least five turtles (four our contributions from pet stores) in Egret Lake. 

In an exceptionally calm lake the next morning a two-foot grass carp came by. We have seen some close to 4 feet. Occasionally at the center of the lake a fin will emerge above the surface and appear as a small shark! 

Well after Bob drove neighbors Ann and Jo to the airport at 6 a.m. (22^nd), we headed out to do some errands and have lunch in Boynton Beach.

Our inside pictures came out poorly. Eyes closed; blurred picture -shaky hands? Oh, well…...

Site of the Annual Stonewall Dinner and Ball – June 23. The Harriet Himmel Gilman Theater is located in the heart of “CityPlace,” West Palm Beach. (www.cityplace.com) and (www.cityplace.com/harriet_himmel.html)

The cranes looming above the building and half-way up (to the left) are two of a half dozen construction projects in the immediate area.

From the Compass website: “The Stonewall Ball is one of the largest events in Palm Beach County connecting the gay and lesbian community to their elected and appointed officials … The fourth annual gala, which benefits Compass, pays tribute to national and local achievements of the modern day equal rights movement.” Compass is the 5^th largest such organization in the nation and is about to move into much larger facilities in Lake Worth, quite near St. Andrew’s.

The announced dress for the somewhat pricey, fund raising dinner/dance was an apparent choice between pirate-related outfits or black tie. We would feel silly in the former (have you ever seen a 70-year-old pirate?), and we do not do black tie. Our decades-seasoned, neat and clean suits were quite sufficient. However, with just a touch of unseemly pretentiousness, Rich did use his elegant chrome handled, black cane! As it turned out, a variety of outfits ranged from evening tuxedo with tails to sports jacket/tie to all sorts of pirates’ costumes (a few rather expensively made for the occasion). Regional politicians and event sponsors as well as straight, lesbian, transgender (hard to spot), and bisexual (impossible to spot) women and men from late teens to at least one 80 year-old (woman) made up the enormously diverse gathering. 

Dinner was served to well over 200 on the 3-sided second floor overlooking the dance floor.
Mike Zewe addresses the gathering. We sat in the upper tier to Mike’s left.
photo by Charlie Frederickson

We were privileged to be seated at Compass’s interim director Scott Fox’s table with his lively partner Aaron (see photo below), Scott’s parents, and four (gay) businessmen from the region. The hors d’oeuvres were scrumptious, among them excellent quality lamb chops, toasted ham and cheese “sandwichettes,” and coconut coated fried shrimp. Our chosen-in-advance entrée included slices of roast pork, and dessert (which Rich had to forgo). The unusual desert was an open hard chocolate treasure chest with mousse, candy jewels and a chocolate doubloon inside. It rested on a beach of crushed graham crackers and an ocean of blue sauce. A white chocolate shell on the beach completed the fantasy!           

dessert!
photo by Charlie Frederickson 

Scott’s father Tom was on Rich’s right, and they chatted about many things, including Tom’s future retirement only a couple of years away. On Bob’s left was a delightful, up-beat guy in his 50s - a fine conversationalist - funeral director. Aaron, dressed as a dapper, youthful pirate, was often the center of attention – with his boundless energy and humor. The usual dinner addresses were pertinent and appropriate.

Flash bulbs in our direction were more frequent than ever before, with a dozen or so individuals (including the press) routinely and respectfully asking permission prior to picture taking. We joked to each other about being a dinosaur exhibit! Yet again we were touched by some warm, private, sometimes quite emotional, comments.

At the outset some slow music with a live vocalist and an instrumentalist gave us the opportunity to slow-dance as Rich clutched his cane behind Bob’s back. The presence of about 20 dancing couples was a good hint to prolong this initial musical mood – a real treat for us. When the more lively music began, we took seats at the edge of the dance floor, but as the night wore on, we inconspicuously braved a few faster dances from our past – Rich’s cane laid aside. Mixed with our nostalgic merriment was Rich’s difficulty in maintaining balance; too, his oversized diabetic shoes felt like cement blocks! Bob, however, imported our past fast-dancing years in style!

before the dance floor was crowded
photo by Charlie Frederickson 

Later in the evening, when the Latin rhythms dominated, the Spanish guys and gals (with origins in Puerto Rico, Cuba, Columbia, and so on) combined as a concert of movements that only they have mastered. They embodied the happiness and grace of their cultures’ dance styles. Through all the music, though, Aaron participated superbly and tirelessly! 

while dancing
photo by Charlie Frederickson 

Both chuckling, Young Bob held Old Rich up somewhat
photo by Lea Bennett -  www.leabphotography.com 

standing l-r: Scott (Aaron’s partner), Mike, and Joseph
Compass administrators
seated: an unidentified pirate 

photo by Lea Bennett -  www.leabphotography.com

We went on our way about 10 (really late for us) and enjoyed a restful sleep - yet weary for all of Sunday.

Emailed from Compass after the Weekend

Thanks for making a difference in your community at the sixth annual Stonewall Ball!  Greetings! Compass extends a special thank you to everyone who made The Stonewall Ball the most successful yet. More than 300 people were at the Harriet in CityPlace on Saturday in support of Compass. Among those in attendance were Palm Beach County Tax Collector Anne Gannon, Representative Susan Bucher, Senator Dave Aronberg, West Palm Beach City Commissioners Bill Moss and Molly Douglas, Supervisor of Elections Dr. Arthur Anderson, School Board of PBC's Paulette Burdick, and representatives from the offices of Congressman Ron Klein and Representative Maria Sachs. We also congratulate Palm Beach County Tax Collector Anne Gannon on receiving Compass' Plakas Leadership Award.

The next day (Sunday the 24th) an email went off to our parish priest and Integrity convener: “With Compass moving into Lake Worth soon - not too far from St. Andrew's - it would seem to me that some sort of connection between both could be mutually beneficial - although I have no specifics in mind. “Again this year, very few St. Andrew's people were at the annual event held last night. “This year only Terry and Michael were on hand. Although a bit pricey ($150 per person for the dinner and dance), the dance alone was only $35. A real age spread from a relatively few youth to 80 among the straight/gay/lesbian/bisexual (I assume) and transgender (hard to spot) attendees. “Bob and I were, as usual, more than well treated in every way. We are Compass supporters beyond the annual occasion - though not any more at many other events. “Prophetic ministry is often carried out most effectively by secular agencies, and we believe that Compass is one of them - along with Lambda Legal. “I just have a gnawing sense that somehow the Church ought to be visibly partnered with such agencies - without necessarily expecting a rush to join the parish. The distrust of mainstream religious bodies is high, but perhaps in a few centuries trust could be established if somehow we were visibly, mutually appreciative of what we each can offer uniquely. “But Bob and I are too dense to figure out how!”

MONDAY WAS TOO BUSY - UNEXPECTEDLY! 

Free from medical consultations for about three months, Rich underwent a routine blood test early on Monday morning. The receptionist referred to Bob as Rich’s son – not the first time this has happened in medical offices! Is the difference between our aging processes THAT noticeable? Ironically, Bob is the older – by three days!

Also on Monday our very large 2003 Maytag refrigerator broke down – as it did a couple of years ago. Bought through Sears, its upscale Sears warrantee did not result in repairs for a week! So much for Maytag’s exaggerated reliability! So much for Sears’ alleged dependability! In response to an emailed appeal to Sears for a quicker response for medical reasons, Sears responded with, “Service is scheduled according to our service availability in your area. At this time, we do not have the technician availability to schedule a sooner service date than what was originally suggested. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.”

Additionally, at 8 p.m. Bob discovered that the air conditioner’s drain system was emptying into the garage! Another call for service – promised for the next afternoon. Not a Sears policy, for sure!

The negligence by Sears prompted Bob to make a 9 p.m. visit to Lowe’s – where he bought a small freezer and a small, supplementary refrigerator; Lowe’s delivered – via very helpful delivery personnel – at 8 a.m. Tuesday. Now that is service!

We wondered when that legendary third “glitch” would hit. Would Rich be off to the hospital again? Car repair? Or the worst J: a computer breakdown?

The apparent third, or at least in that vein, arrived by email late Monday night. His children wrote that The Rev. Charles C. Perroncel, D.Min., had died unexpectedly on June 14^th. On pages 116f. of SOUL MATES, this mention of Chuck appears:

“Chuck is a psychotherapist, a U.C.C. minister. He and his wife and children attended St. Paul’s for a few years. When he was exploring the possibilities of worshiping at St. Paul’s, I talked with him about my own family life. I wasn’t sure where he was on sexuality, and I certainly didn’t want him to enter parish life and then discover that I was psychologically repulsive to him. His reaction was just the opposite; he was very affirming. As time went on, the ‘fit’ between Chuck and the Episcopal Church wasn’t sufficient enough. Many of the Church’s procedures were too limiting. Nonetheless, it was he who enabled me to begin to disclose my life with Bob carefully to selected parishioners. I think that he and his wife were the first adults in any parish with whom I deliberately shared our supposed secret.”

We are so pleased that a few years ago we reconnected with Chuck via many emails, and in one had shared with Chuck our affectionate gratitude for his positive impact on our lives and Rich’s ministry. He was one of the most complex persons we have ever known.

More received on Monday:

Message to All Alumni June 25, 2007 Dear Fellow Alumni: I am very pleased to inform you that Assistant Head Master Lynne Mooney Teta '86 has been appointed as the 28th head master of Boston Latin School. Michael Contompasis '57, Boston Public Schools superintendent, made the announcement at the farewell tribute for Head Master Cornelia A. Kelley H'44. We were fortunate to have Lynne return to Alma Mater in the fall of 2004 to join the school's leadership team as an assistant head master whose duties included general administration, academics, the supervision and evaluation of faculty, student support and external partnerships. Prior to that, she served in administrative positions in the Needham, Dedham and Belmont public schools systems. Lynne began her teaching career in 1990 in Belmont and also served as an English and social studies teacher for The Steppingstone Foundation. She holds a bachelor of arts degree from Harvard University and a master's degree from the Harvard Graduate School of Education, with a concentration in Administration, Planning and Social Policy. This is a momentous appointment which I believe bodes well for the future of BLS, its students and the broader community. Your Boston Latin School Association is looking forward to working with Lynne in her new role which will be effective July 1. I will keep you posted on this important transition in the months to come. Warm regards, David S. Weiner '59, President

We very much look forward to meeting the new Head Master next February at the annual Latin School alumni gathering in Palm Beach.

THAT’S IT FOR MONDAY!

Tuesday (the 26^th) saw the early Lowes’ delivery mentioned above and an afternoon repair of the air conditioner. Given the necessary visitors, a more ordinary day!

In the evening a most warm and affectionately reminiscing email to both of us arrived from Nate, Chuck Perroncel’s son - picture included. We had forgotten that Bob had tutored Nate in algebra and that Rich had taken Nate for a ride in our sporty Camaro for some serious pastoring. How incredibly gratifying to know that we are remembered so fondly! 

Nate and Liz. Nate’s professional website is www.myspace.com/elginjames. 

We have realized that someone did not follow through (great!), and Rich was not contacted to schedule a June “Computed Tomography Angiography (CTA).” Some relatively unpleasant health explorations may be just around the corner – but not until July. Fingers crossed. [CTA is at www.radiologyinfo.org/en/info.cfm?pg=angioct&bhcp=1] Bob resumes a series of regular medical check-ups, too. We have had three great medical-free months!

Recently we have watched some films that illustrate the wide-ranging anxieties, deprivations, and miseries in which multitudes of people have been (and are) demeaned, impoverished, and/or emotionally imprisoned. Internationally they encompass men, women, and children of all sexual orientations as well as varied cultural and societal circumstances. One’s heart goes out to them! Other than supporting various organizations that seek justice and (enabling) assistance for many casualties, there seem to be little or no genuinely effective ways of being an onsite contributor to any significant solutions. Now and then, an opportunity for personal, truly practical, suitable, local outreach comes along, and one offers what one appropriately can ... and not as if from a lofty perch. Certainly, others like ourselves, whose lives are rather untroubled, should not feel indifferently toward innocent, victimized human beings. The ubiquitous con artists and “professional victims” are a different matter; they refuse genuine assistance. Nevertheless, given their state of affairs, one at least cringes for them. Likewise, one feels for those individuals and cultures whose beliefs and policies are self-defeating. The “Serenity Prayer” comes into play again.

Thursday was Herb’s actual 90^th birthday. We had planned to take him to the Café Boulud for a birthday luncheon, but he called in the morning to say that he just wasn’t up to it healthwise. Another time! 

After heavy rains on Friday, sirens could be easily heard. While Tenno watched from his recliner, two ambulance helicopters arrived noisily at the nearby field to rescue accident victims. This seems to occur about monthly. The need for two helicopters was unusual. Note that the lake level has come up significantly following the prolonged drought.

photo from our family room window 

Prior to Saturday (30^th) 6 p.m. church, while Mayra carried on excellently with her weekly housekeeping, we lunched at the Cheesecake Factory, a 25-minute drive to CityPlace in the heart of downtown West Palm Beach. We both ordered the “Chicken Salad Sandwich - Housemade with Roasted Almonds, Lettuce, Tomato and Mayo. Served on Grilled Brioche Bread” 

www.thecheesecakefactory.com
The exterior appears odd to us, as if vertical plywood sheets had been hammered on five locations, because of a storm or vandalism! 

One of the unusual ceiling decorations at the Cheesecake Factory. The server told us very politely that management prefers that no pictures be taken; instead, one ought to dine there, in order to see firsthand its uniqueness. Of all the pretentious policies; an eatery is not exactly a museum! (Rich did get a dig in about the “plywood” look outside.) Anyway, other pictures would be difficult for us to take, because of the high barriers among the sitting areas. We have been there several times over the years, and the food has always been superb. 

Nevertheless we did find this representative picture among the hundreds on the Internet!

On June 12th Rich wrote to The Living Church, an independent, national weekly (somewhat conservative) magazine of news and articles related to the Episcopal Church; he inquired about placing an ad. Timed to precede September’s meeting of the House of Bishops, the proposed ad would be run in the first four issues dated in September 2007. A standard, modest size, block ad would include: Perhaps Very Different From What You Think! "SOUL MATES: More than Partners" www.nolan-pingpank.com Rich concluded his inquiry with, “As you'll see if you inspect the website, it's ‘family friendly.’” Despite three follow-up emails to specific magazine staff members, there was no acknowledgment or answer by the end of June. If the staff believed that the ad (which is not inexpensive) was unsuitable, the honorable thing to do would be to say so – or at least acknowledge receipt of the multiple inquiries. Censorship? Third-rate business practices? We’ll see what July brings.

Otherwise, the month ended well with worship at St. Andrew’s and afterwards some tv watching and a good night’s sleep.

JULY 

Ever conscious of the calendar and various “markers,” we entered the second half of the year. We are amazed that it was fifteen years ago (July 1, 1992) that Rich early-retired from his fulltime academic position as a State of Connecticut employee; an exceptional retirement plan with all sorts of superb incentives was offered for a very short time for employees 55 and older. Rich reached that age at just the right time! Afterwards he had a number of enjoyable adjunct posts; and, of course, right to the present he has continued non-stipendiary, church involvements.

On a more somber note - in recent times we have tried to compartmentalize our appointments with various doctors, so that health factors do not loom as much as they might. Rich prefers the earliest possible morning appointment on those days – to get them over with early. On the 2^nd his 8 a.m. quarterly, endocrinologist visit was bothersome beforehand, because of several weeks’ off-diet meals – often in eateries or at social occasions. Fortunately, though, the reports were quite good, numbers just a bit elevated -  to be remedied by improved intake.

We are reading too frequently about the deaths of contemporaries (most recently Chuck Perroncel and right afterwards Wendy Danforth); regrettably this inescapable reality will continue. Some related issues of life are discomforting. Given the increasing preventative testing and therapies now possible, it is not at all clear when to choose which test and which therapeutic option. Just a couple of years ago a physician commented to us candidly that at our age if you go looking for problems, you’ll likely find one. During one of Rich’s emergency hospitalizations, an E.R. doctor said that every medicine has side effects, and that it is uncertain in advance whether, or how, a given medication will affect a particular individual. She also mentioned the possible hazards of general anesthesia and its effects on brains of the elderly. (Cardiac by-pass surgery comes to mind.) A quarter of a century ago a guest M.D. lectured in Rich’s medical ethics course; he distinguished helpfully between the science and the art of medicine. The science of medicine takes place in the lab, and the inexact “art” directly with patients. He made the point that the practice of medicine with patients is (hopefully) informed, but less precise than what medical researchers do in laboratories. As one ages, one’s mortality is less in the deeper recesses of one’s mind – unless living in denial works very successfully. Each visit to a physician’s office carries varying degrees of apprehension. Each malady and intrusive medical procedure is unnerving for most of us. Other than involving the excruciating anguish of our being separated, death is not our unnatural enemy. As one young friend told us kiddingly years ago, we are nearer death than birth! “When” is uncertain. In any case, a real problem is how – after sordid, horrific interventions? after a period of dementia with incontinence and bewilderment? And so on …? Would that we could be assured of dying with the care and mercy that our beloved dogs will likely experience! All this is not a matter of wallowing in over-the-top, morose thoughts. Rather, it is a matter of being realistic when death arrives for people one knows and when one is faced with significant health care decisions – occasions that seem to increase as one’s years pass.

The Sears repairman showed up early on Tuesday (3^rd), but quickly discovered that he did not have the correct part to repair our refrigerator. He’ll return in a week. It was certainly a good move to buy the supplementary freezer and compact refrigerator when this nuisance began. In the scheme of things, this adventure is very minor, but further validates our negative outlook on service.

surprisingly plain inside; too hot to eat on the outside patio

photo taken from our Bellagio table with a view toward the CityPlace courtyard fountains

During the late afternoon Jo, Debra and Robert visited. Staying across the street for a few days with Jo and Robert’s mother Ann, Debra and Robert returned to Texas on the 4^th.

From The Hartford Courant’s recent report of the June 30^th consecration of The Right Reverend  Laura J. Ahrens (adjusting her mitre) as a bishop – to serve as a bishop suffragan (assistant) of the Diocese of Connecticut. At times like this Rich especially misses his home diocese. For decades he has collegially known diocesan Bishop Andrew Smith (far right) since he was a curate in Waterbury and suffragan Bishop James Curry (center) since he was a curate in Torrington; but he has never met Bishop Ahrens. The chief consecrator was Presiding Bishop Katherine Jefferts Schori.

A very unusual shot of 12-year-old Tenno – at 6:30 a.m. (on July 4) – while he was still sound asleep; when the flash went off, he awoke instantly. Both dogs sleep in various places around the family room/kitchen area: chairs and sofa, bare floors, assorted small and primary rugs, their floor pillow as well as the crate. By the time we first arrive most mornings, Comes is usually awake and waiting for us at one of the two doggy gates. Such a life! Most of the time they are silent until one of us shows up, but now and then we hear a pre-7 a.m. impatient bark that signals a need to visit the back yard or that someone is hungry!

By 7:30 a.m. the sunshine shed light on the Fourth of July flag. The windless, sunny morning was in no way an indicator of the impending afternoon weather, a repeat of the past couple of days.

Fourth of July luncheon with Ray: (Omaha) Pot Roast, gravy, potato, Aunt Nellie’s Whole Onions J, “Le Sueur very young small early peas,” apple sauce, beverages, & Honeybaked creamy cheese cake. As anticipated, by mid-afternoon the thunder, lightning, and rain arrived!

Perhaps this reflection is repetitious; we are not sure. We just recalled that as we were leaving last month’s Stonewall Ball, one of the kindhearted strangers who reached out to us concluded his generous remarks about our half-century-plus together (which had apparently been a topic among his friends), “You both seem so happy together. Are you really that happy?” We were bowled over, but think that we avoided uncovering our surprise. As if a duet, we assured him ever so briefly and warmly that, yes, we are truly happy and very grateful for these years. This was reminiscent of a similar exchange with a chap at church a year or so ago. Both incidents echoed the sentiments of a straight, older, married acquaintance with whom we were having dinner about five years ago in their home. While talking about the qualities in long-term marriages, she pointed out that it was very common for marriages to become a relatively indifferent convention, often with inconsequential battles, more often a simply endured arrangement. Her husband was on hand, and they certainly were lovingly toward each other whenever we saw them. They do have many friends, though. We had not seen that development in our parents’ lives, and we shudder to think of spending one’s senior years with such emotional flatness.

another visit from one of our turtles (July 6^th)

Mid-morning Saturday (7^th) was so humid and warm that the kitchen nook’s sliding glass doors fogged up. 

Stephen’s 49^th birthday party (Sunday the 8^th) was on a typical July, Florida day – with some sunshine, much cloudiness, a downpour, and rather warm temperatures. The gathering of about three dozen people was in Conrad and Stephen’s Wellington home.

partner Conrad and Stephen, his aunt and uncle

Cakes made by a gourmet chef – Stephen! 

Some guests were inside the house, some poolside. 

Egret Nest neighbors Blanche and Neil, Bob (Rich taking the pictures)

In the evening Bob called Sears to confirm (the next day) Monday’s refrigerator repair appointment. In the morning the repairman called about 8 to say that he was on the way. The appointment clerk had promised “between 8 and noon.” At 12:25 a Sears call came with the message he would arrive by 1:30. The (initially abrupt) technician showed up at 2:25. He discovered right away that the part Sears had sent to us was incorrect, but fortunately, he had the correct one in his van.

The Maytag and Sears strategies for advertising appear to be similar to the hypocrisy of Nixonian lies: very publicly say something, however untrue, and most people will assume that is true, because someone of note has said so. The tv ad with the bored Maytag repair man with nothing to do and Sears’ own prominence are mistaken for truthful assertions and dependability.

Two weeks after the breakdown the repair was at last completed!

A church friend, in response to the apparent slowness of the global Anglican Communion to integrate contemporary scholarship with gender/sexuality issues, wrote to Rich a lament and somewhat rhetorical question as to when the updating would come to pass in church and state. In reply Rich wrote: When my mother was a principal's secretary in a public school in MA, married, pregnant teachers would automatically be fired. When she became engaged to my father, her principal MISS Higgins scolded my father for ruining the professional life of a most competent secretary. When she (English/Scottish/Episcopalian) married Dad (Irish/Roman Catholic), both families – especially Dad’s - were scandalized. They eloped and were married by a Methodist minister. They went to an RC rectory to have an RC blessing of some sort,     and the priest let my mother have it for leading my father toward eternal damnation.   Afterwards, Dad didn't go to Mass for decades. When Bob and I were college sophomores (1956) at Trinity College, we took "Intro. to Psychology" together. The professor included homosexuality as an aspect of mental illness, deviance, and criminal behavior. [This summer's Trinity alumni magazine, soon to come out, is to include Bob and me most positively, picture and all!] At that time in CT it was illegal for drug stores to sell condoms. Teachers seen doing the Twist (dance) in any straight, public dance spot could be dismissed. (Hips shouldn't wiggle that much!) In NYC gay bars were regularly raided and closed. In the 60s we were in a raid in a gay bar in Dania (FL). About 9 PM motorcycle police came storming through the front and rear entrances, threw everyone (despite perfectly honorable behavior) against the wall; we all had to produce our driver's      licenses and disclose occupations. The next day the Miami Herald listed all the locals as being in a raided bar known as a place homosexuals gathered. No doubt, several lost their jobs and good will of their relatives. And so on ................ to today, which is soooooooo much better! In return, our friend expressed his thanks for this perspective within which to gauge the admittedly sluggish evolution of what is, thankfully, actually occurring.

Rich’s mysterious computer crash (10th) led to technician Jessica’s visit (11^th) and its holiday at her workplace. Fortunately, the machine backs up weekly both to an internal drive and an external drive. Further, on a monthly basis all documents are loaded onto Bob’s computer, too. During the rehab period Rich even loaded pertinent files from the external drive to the 7-year-old, turtle-speed laptop. Ever efficient, Jessica returned (12^th) with a perfectly running machine. It is rather amazing how much of our lives is computer related: finances, correspondence, reading the news, writing, and so on. “Suffering” with an “old,” slow laptop made us wonder what is in store in the near future by way of computer developments.

Friday the 13^th started off with Bob’s dermatologist removing a squamous skin cancer from his neck. Biopsied during a recent, periodic appointment, Bob was called in for the brief office procedure.

Afterwards we headed off to the Palm Beach County Convention Center for a coin show – which had advertised appraisals. Thinking that we could get a sense of the worth of our random coins, we gathered the 100 or so along with some two-dollar bills saved in tins by our parents.

The event was overwhelming from the moment we walked through the door about 11 a.m.! After talking with two staff members, we were all but convinced that we did not have a treasure! Moreover, we were cautioned against merely leaving coins with any one appraiser or dealer; to ensure a greater degree of honesty, it is best to go to at least two specialists to receive honest advice. Bob showed one old coin to two experts at the show and was told by one that it might be worth about $150, and by the other that it was of no particular worth at all. Rich has no patience whatsoever with that sort of haziness. While he motored about and then waited for Bob outside, Bob chatted fruitlessly with another professional.

Bob leaves the coin show dissatisfied.

Rich’s scooter is necessary in large settings with hard floors.

From the coin show auditorium we had to travel the length of this hallway and at its end continue on another of similar length. Quite a few scooters were on hand!

Bob disassembles the scooter into three lighter weight pieces – plus the basket and battery.

A typical Florida, noontime storm was brewing. It did not reach us, but did dump about an inch at our home. 

Unwilling to put in any more effort, at least in these circumstances, we decided to treat ourselves to luncheon at the nearby (practically across the street) Legal Seafood.

Legal Seafood, CityPlace, downtown West Palm Beach

As we walked from CityPlace’s (2^nd level) Legal Seafood toward the parking garage, we remarked that we never tire of the picturesque setting.

As we walked from CityPlace’s (2^nd level) Legal Seafood toward the parking garage, we remarked that we never tire of the picturesque setting.

Saturday afternoon lunch at the Wellington Mall while Mayra does the weekly housekeeping.

a fine salad bar plus mini-cheeseburgers and beverages for us

Rich can be a cut-up now and then – even a public embarrassment in a mall.  

In the evening Bob went to St. Andrew’s for the 6 p.m. Service and the following  (2^nd Saturday) Integrity supper/fellowship; Rich stayed home. (He’s normally at church with Bob on the 3^rd and 4^th Saturdays.) To protest Bob’s evening absence, one of the dogs (probably Comes) peed on their floor pillow. That still (rarely) happens, and it is always when one or both of us are out during an evening.

The Integrity speaker’s topic was on the Millennium Development Goals (MDGs), a set of eight targets for wiping out global poverty. The goals have been embraced by more than 190 nations, including the United States. They are built on the understanding that the resources, strategies, and knowledge to end this calamity exist, if only the moral will can also take effect. Episcopal Relief and Development is one Church agency at the forefront of engagement with the MDGs. Has anyone mentioned that the directly related issue of family planning seems to have been ignored? See in May (above) our “lament” number 7: “We cringe at the global lack of effective family planning; emotionally and/or financially unprepared individuals continue mindless breeding – a form of unintentional child abuse.” Bob mentioned this to the speaker in private; her only response was that they (who?) had talked about that.

A King Egret respectfully processes toward the diversity flag. 

Rich manages most of our house-related finances – as a rule most efficiently. However, we received a call from our homeowners association (17^th) informing us that the quarterly maintenance payment was a week overdue. Along with a late fine, he quickly paid two quarters – right through December. Shouldn’t septuagenarians be exempt from the fine? Or, given the number of us living here, does the penalty produce beneficial revenue for the association? J Somewhat related: Rich’s lovely Cross pen was thoroughly cleaned during a recent clothes washing; it did escape the dryer, though. Another J! Both of us have noticed in ourselves and each other an increase in relatively harmless fallibilities – which provide (so far) many a good chuckle!

Herb was again not up to lunch with us, this time with Margot as well. He urged us to carry out the plans, which we did. At 90, he is understandably having his off days.

Margot Emery, Rich, and Bob at Café Boulud for luncheon (18^th)
Margot and Rich - STEAMED CAROLINA FLOUNDER sweet Georgia corn, chanterelle mushrooms, summer truffle
Bob - B. L. T.  jimmy’s smoked beef brisket, lettuce slaw, Creole mustard, fried green tomatoes, homemade b&b pickles
and desserts

We wish we could contribute more substantially, but coincidentally most of our schools and churches are conducting either capital gift campaigns or special fundraisers beyond annual giving. Tabor Academy ($120M), Trinity College ($300M), Yale Divinity School ($38M as part of the University’s $3B goal), New York University ($2.5B), Christ Church Cathedral, Hartford ($1,131,000), and St. Andrew’s Church, Lake Worth ($50,000).

We wish we could contribute more substantially, but coincidentally most of our schools and churches are conducting either capital gift campaigns or special fundraisers beyond annual giving. Tabor Academy ($120M), Trinity College ($300M), Yale Divinity School ($38M as part of the University’s $3B goal), New York University ($2.5B), Christ Church Cathedral, Hartford ($1,131,000), and St. Andrew’s Church, Lake Worth ($50,000). [Of the 34 associations to which we contribute annually, usually during January, too many make aggravating, repetitious requests for additional donations. (None listed above.) Tacky and somewhat alienating!] 

The gray, plastic gasket at top of the lid  is held on with blue tape. 

SERVICE AGAIN: a very minor but useful rubber gasket (above) needed replacement to seal the laundry machine’s lid when closed; the warrantee covers the item for our four-year-old KitchenAid appliance. Bob called early in the week; the phone clerk looked up the item, and a 12 to 7 p.m. service window was arranged for Friday (20^th); the repairman showed up at 4:20 - without the gasket. Bob repeated what he had told the phone clerk; mail the gasket to him, and he’d snap into place what should be a one dollar part. No can do! A repairman must return; the office will call to schedule another house visit. Imagine what this is unnecessarily costing the warrantee service provider! To boot, one really has to be retired to find the blocks of weekday time necessary for repair personnel to make house calls – at least two calls per problem! Toward the end of the month, a call came with the message that the gasket would be mailed!  J 

The Roadhouse Grill really looks shabby from across the street; lunch was fine, though. 

After lunch (21^st) at the nearby Roadhouse Grill, while surfing, we unexpectedly came across a Christmas card online that we really liked. Together we customized the interior greeting, print style, and return address.  Earlier than ever before, we placed the order! With the arrival of a 2008 appointment book and this order soon, we must be counting on being alive for a while! 

Crashing thunder storms (with up to 4 inches of rain) came and went before we headed to St. Andrew’s; attendance equaled the number of original Apostles. “Toxic Faith: How To Distinguish Between Healthy And Unhealthy Religious Beliefs And Practices - Are You "Under The Influence" Of A Destructive Group Or Belief System?” (led by Rich) was the post-Service forum topic (announced in the Palm Beach Post, within the parish, and by email), but it certainly was not much of a draw.

It is increasingly difficult to find topics that are challenging as well as appealing. Probably most people want to be soothed by things “religious” and not provoked to think carefully. “How To Find Your God and Your Truth In One Easy Step” might do it – but, we won’t. Responsible dieticians do not serve junk food. (See Rich’s reflective sermon on the 40^th anniversary of his ordination as a priest at http://www.philosophy-religion.org/reflections/ 40yearsasapriest.htm/.) Bob felt that those on hand were really participating well, though, and Rich agreed.

This reality continues to be so different from Rich’s college teaching career – when occasionally there would be waiting lists to register for his elective philosophy courses, and normally they were filled. The dynamic for probing inquiry is minimal in parish life.        

A daily reading about the current nastiness within the evolving reconfiguration of the  Anglican Communion is on Rich’s calendar. In response to a topic “The Way Forward: Confrontation or Collaboration?” on a widely consulted blog “Fr. Jake Stops The World,” Rich wrote:               “As we consider our responses, we do have to factor in the predisposition of many to avoid confrontation at all costs. Something like a "go jump in the lake" can be appropriate. The Cleansing of the Temple option is at least a consideration, even when we understand others well.  Richard T. Nolan | Homepage | 07.21.07 - 6:21 am | #”               It has become predictable that many U.S.A. Episcopalians, especially clergy, will leap toward an absolutist position of collaboration and reconciliation during conflicts; a significant number of others jump toward a confrontation and “preemptive war” stance. Both positions are simplistic. A collaboration/reconciliation paralysis is often found among aging “flower children” of the faux Age of Aquarius. They do not seem to grasp that the best option in many circumstances, after due consideration, is to divorce and move on. They would rather enjoy martyrdom than clobber a bully or other aggressors. Additionally, these folks are indecisive and endlessly call for masochistic, even cowardly, delaying tactics via more “patience” and more “prayer” while naively assuming that their wizardry will result in oil mixing with water.                    A follow-up inquiry to Rich’s blogged comment above: “Richard, Cleansing of the temple? Please explain that as a consideration. Village Idiot | 07.21.07 - 8:13 am | #”               To which Rich replied: “There's a time to use tough love and perhaps kick butt. Richard T. Nolan | Homepage | 07.21.07 - 9:07 am | #”               A further apt remark from a contributor: “Cleansing of the temple? I like this idea as well. We are a people that generally support the concept of rule of law (discounting our present regime).             “Use every canon and civil law available to defend the flock. Any paid member of our professional christian class (clergy) that will not support the General Convention should be removed or retired from service. Any group of members (vestry or congregation) that wants to remove property or misuse funds of the church should be viewed as a possible criminal and investigated by the civil authorities. That is ‘cleansing of the temple’ to me. Terry Dyslexia | 07.21.07 - 9:14 am | #”               Indeed!

WATCH OUT for a billing on a charge card from CIC*Triple Advantage 877-481-6825 CA, CONSUMER CREDIT REPORT,  Charge: $12.95  Merchant Address: CONSUMERINFO. COM, STE 900, 18500 VON KARMAN AVE, IRVINE CA 92612-0526, USA! If you Google CIC*Triple Advantage or CONSUMERINFO.COM, you’ll read many reports of their scams. Rich’s online AX account included the above charge on the 22^nd. It was reported to AX right away. He seems to recall this happening a year or so ago, too. Within 12 hours AX responded very satisfactorily and opened an inquiry. We also discovered that this outfit is a division of Experian that provides credit monitoring and online access to personal credit reports. Rich had a free annual credit report from Experian last month, but subscribed to nothing!  Yet, “based on our records, you have an active membership with us which is paid for $12.95 per month.” It looks to Rich that he was automatically subscribed when he received the June annual report. Another email noted, “This is to confirm that your account has been completely cancelled today, July 24, 2007. We have initiated a refund to your credit card. This refund should appear on your next billing cycle.” This appears so shady! The refund was soon posted, and soon afterwards a letter from AX arrived to say that the matter is being investigated!  J

The Independent Gay Forum is a conservative, gay website (http://www.indegayforum.org). Upon Tammy Faye Baker Messner’s death, Rich read a kind remark about her (whom we both have always found hideous). Rich submitted to the website: “With some degree of embarrassment, I'd like to confess my ignorance. I don't know specifically why Tammy Faye, Judy Garland, and Cher are often referred to as gay icons. What does that mean? My partner and I (both 70) have never been drawn to any one of them. (Perhaps we're not gay enough?!)”             A helpful response was posted: “... these are public figures who acknowledge, respect and return the affection of their gay fan base. They go beyond just being entertainers, but also speak up and out in defense of gay people and their equality in this country. There are obviously many famous people out there. And political figures especially will be silent or reticent or just plain ignorant about how to articulate the needs and intentions of their gay constituents. Which is strange considering how many candidates have LAW DEGREES - they are woefully inept when dealing with gay issues. While at the same time courting money and votes from the gay community until legal things that concern gay citizens comes up.             “The entertainers out there that know their money and support comes from gay fans as much as straight ones, are at least recognizing that gay people have participated in making them rich and famous. And it's only fair and right that they do so.             “As a straight ally myself, I know that it's very difficult to bring up the subject of gay people (even innocuously) without giving offense. The hostility and discomfort extends to those of us who people know aren't gay, but are willing to articulate and deal with the subject in a more realistic and non prejudiced way.             “As long as those who are religious don't want to posit the subject NEARLY as with the same objectivity they are willing to deal with anything else, we are hard pressed to reach out to those who tend to use their religious faith as license to ignore civil liberty and protection. (Something they are willing to also use, but restrict for gay people selectively.)             “At any rate, Tammy Faye Messner WAS a different kind of televangelist in regard to gay issues. She didn't ignore gay people, nor use her public life to vilify them. Quite brave really, considering who she was up against.”             Rich posted a note of thanks to the writer. (For us, she remains hideous, and after “The Wizard Of Oz” we were disinterested in Judy Garland; Cher always seemed too trampy – though we enjoyed some of her music.) In any case, it has never occurred to us to pay homage to an entertainer (or anyone else) just because (s)he is/was “gay-friendly.” Actually, some “gay-friendly” folks are so, because they pity us poor “deviants” and “sinners” or want the “gay vote”; some others are genuinely enlightened.             At any rate, for us they do not automatically serve as icons – or whatever. In talking further about this, we realized that we have never had icons, heroes, idols, and the like – and we are not moved by “celebrity” – though in various degrees we have admired many people for numerous reasons. Not to sound pretentiously “religious,” but the biblical portraits we have of Jesus provide whatever “champion” we would ever need or want.

With reference to the above commentary, we are now confronted with reports about  astronauts driving their space vehicles while intoxicated! Another “icon” category shows its shortcomings. What next – “high” brain surgeons while operating? A scary part of the decline and fall of idols is that their behaviors will be permission giving for their running-on-empty sycophants.

At Rich’s podiatry appointment (23rd) the doctor (like so many others) praised the updated 2 ½ page print-out of his medical data (including current medications and past therapies) that makes his job easier and more accurate. (Rich’s diabetes is directly related to foot, cardiac, and eye physicians.)

Ever since we cared for his mother while we were living in Connecticut (and she in Ft. Lauderdale) and maintained similar information (taped to her refrigerator door) for her home health care people for the periodic 911 emergencies to a hospital, we have maintained the info sheets for ourselves, too.

Yet, along with doctors’ admiration (“Everything is here!” the podiatrist declared), a slight touch of disdain is sometimes conveyed as well.

Sensing this possibility, Rich said to his podiatrist (a truly delightful chap), “I believe that some people label this sort of thing as “anal.” He grinned while slowly nodding his head as he perused the data further. Rich continued, “However it’s labeled, it allowed me to retire at 55 – 15 years ago this month!” The doctor’s thoughtful, somewhat delayed response as he continued to smile: “O  u   c  h!           

Tenno often claims Rich’s office recliner for a nap or refuge from a thunderstorm – right where his computer is. 

Bob received an invitation (23^rd) from the Diocese of Connecticut to attend the overnight (November) retreat “for clergy spouses and partners.” How gracious! The invitation is another sign of progress! Too far to travel, though.

Lunch (24^th) with Dorothy A. at Romano’s Macaroni Grill in Boynton Beach – as we did last October; it seems like yesterday!

Romano’s Macaroni Grill in Boynton Beach 

A booth (out of sight) to the left of the serving tables was our choice. 

Bob and Dorothy
Dorothy was interviewed by Mimi Bourne in SOUL MATES.
www.nolan-pingpank.com/soulmates/chapter_five.htm - Page 117 

After downloading updates for Microsoft’s “Internet Explorer 7,” Rich’s computer could not be rebooted. Its 24-hour holiday with Jessica took care of the problem, again. We are trying to figure out the cause(s). Fortunately, at least weekly all of the files are doubly backed up. 

We were especially delighted with the arrival of the spring issue of Trinity College’s “Reporter” – an elegant, quarterly alumni magazine. Two thirds of the page were devoted to “Richard Nolan ’59 and Robert Pingpank ’59: Celebrating Their Golden Anniversary”; our picture was included. It is reproduced in the collection of published material indexed in our “Bob and Rich” subsite. We began our life together as Trinity freshmen – ignorant of the word “gay” and any degree of sophistication of what that might hold for us. Perhaps our ignorance was bliss, because we could slowly carve out a life suitable for us as a couple. We think that our most significant listing in a résumé category of our “creative works” would be “our life together.” (A P.S. In the same issue we are in a group – of six – photo taken at the spring Palm Beach alumni gathering.) [For the article, please see “Trinity College Reporter (spring, 2007)” in the index of items in the Bob and Rich subsite.] 

TRULY GREAT SERVICE! Bob called in the Stanley Steemer Carpet Cleaners to take care of the rugs throughout the house. Although it may seem unnecessary, when service people need to have access to the whole house (very rarely), we put aside our many pictures of us together. We are  concerned that red-neck, mean-spirited, anti-gay workers might do less than a good job or even deliberately damage something(s). We live in the “Bible Belt” – or at least it seems so. As it happened, the two men completed a first-rate job. Furthermore, it was quite touching when one of them slipped the protective booties on Rich’s feet as he was about to vacate a chair in the workers’ way.  Would they have behaved differently, if they had obvious signs of our family life? Frankly, we just don’t know. In another generation, this probably (hopefully) will not be anyone’s concern – even in the South.

Regarding the ordination of gay people, in the July 27th London Times Bishop Gene Robinson is quoted as saying in an interview that he was surprised that this did not become an issue until his election as Bishop of New Hampshire. He argued that if the principle of gay ordination is wrong, it should be wrong for both priests and bishops, not just bishops. Amen to that! We would add that it would be wrong for deacons, too; setting ordination aside, it would be  no less ethically wrong for all Christians.

Lobster and Seafood Mixed Grill and Crab & Seafood-Stuffed Flounder 

Red Lobster (from our booth) 

JULY 29, 1967, forty years ago, we moved into our newly built home in Bristol, Connecticut. The lot had been owned by one of Bob’s distant relatives; it was just about equidistant between our jobs. We lived there for twenty-seven, eventful, wonderful years before we retired and moved to our Ft. Lauderdale condo in 1994 – and a year later into our current home. Bob designed the Connecticut house from scratch (and customized the basic model design of our West Palm Beach residence).  (See the “Welcome to Our Home” subsite within our Scrapbook.)

At 9 a.m. (used to open at 10 on Sundays) while Bob walked the dogs, Rich went to the Fresh Market - twelve minutes west of our home. Unbelievable produce, meats, fish, poultry, desserts, and other usual groceries! Background classical music at a very reasonable volume! Publix is just fine for ordinary items – and a handy four minutes within the adjacent River Bridge Centre.

By the way, in the June letter segment we reported that the conservative, Episcopal, weekly magazine The Living Church had not responded to (or even acknowledged) Rich’s repeated e-mail requests to place an ad for our online SOUL MATES – in anticipation of the especially significant meeting of the Episcopal House of Bishops in September. Mid-July the request was repeated to no avail.

Rich will not renew his subscription or our underwriting of a multi-month ad for St. Andrew’s (which had no effect whatsoever). His confidence in balanced reporting in the periodical dropped from “suspicious” to “negatively convinced.” Why subscribe (about $80 annually, as first-class mail) when the news is most likely very selective – with a distinctly conservative, editorial spin. Emailed news releases from the Episcopal Church’s Communications Office are reliable and plentiful, and we have everything with “episcopal” in an article sent several times daily from Google News! (We are waiting for a high school sports story along the line “Episcopal Easily Beats Pope John Paul”!) J

Bob’s periodic checkup for his decade-old prostate cancer watch, which has included four biopsies, was scheduled for Monday morning (30^th). This health check always carries with it a degree of apprehension. However, this exam (including PSA results) was terrific! Three months until the next check-up.

July concluded with our monthly pension deposits – which entailed our annual increases. (As we frequently mention, when one of us dies, that pension dies, too. When we retired as State of Connecticut employees, there were no benefits available for us as a couple. Some provisions for domestic partners were added in recent years, but were not grandfathered.)

The month was more eventful than we had anticipated!  As of July 31^st, we had one luncheon on our August calendar and one routine, medical appointment (another of Bob’s). The letter/journal entry for August was to be only a page or two. (We intended not to repeat any restaurant photos!)

AUGUST 

 

FOLLOW-UP To A Service Rant: We had a good laugh about the size of the carton for the flexible, plastic gasket replacement (old one on top): the expense of sending it this way rather than a tubular container! We will certainly not complain. At least we have it – two weeks after first dealing with the problem!

“GLSEN Connecticut (http://chapters.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/connecticut/home.html) is a chapter of the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network, and works to create safe schools for all students, regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity/expression, in the state of Connecticut. It envisions a school community in which all members are respected and valued.” We were pleased to see in their emailed, August 2^nd newsletter the Trinity College report of our life together – along with our website address. 

Rich’s eye just happened to take in the stained glass suncatcher in the west window of the family room at 5 p.m. on the bright and sunny 3^rd. Some outside splashing from recent rains make it an “authentic” picture! J  The rod on the windowsill is necessary to support the ornament when the window is up; it is quite heavy! The fifteen feet distance between our westside neighbor’s house and ours includes exterior foliage (just trimmed for the hurricane season) and the inside suncatcher, all of which soften the view. (The house’s east side space is much greater, because of the shape of the lot. Nonetheless, shrubbery and suncatchers function well there, too.) 

Just one hour after the previous picture was taken, a storm was sliding toward the northwest. Downpours up to five inches drenched much of the region west of us, but not a drop fell on us. By 7 p.m. the sky had cleared. This is so typical of Florida summer weather. 

We watched (3rd) a French DVD A Love To Hide whose plot involved the 1940s brutality of Nazis against Jews and gay men in Paris. We saw the ugly, psychological brutality by straight family members who collaborated with the occupying Nazis against Jews and gay men – not realizing that one son was gay and the other son’s fiancé (and later his wife) was Jewish. This horrific Holocaust in Europe took place during our lifetime.             We commented on how far our life is from persecution, because we have been able to  construct our circumstances, as much as possible, to exclude from our lives Nazi-like persecution (still found in the Global South, Bible-belt States, and among many religious people in our own region) and many biological relatives (who, like Bubba, are ignorant and sometimes envious).             At the same time, while we live so well, we never forget the many GLBT folks in the past as well as the present who continue to be maltreated in so many ways! Every time we read of an adolescent’s suicide, we wonder .....             Yes, our own family life together is terrific. Nevertheless, there is a long way to go before legitimate equality under the law is established throughout the United States, a much longer way remaining for people in most locations throughout the globe. In the meantime, one must, to the extent possible, live in hospitable regions and develop whatever authentic family life one can – and “divorce” biological relatives who are hostile. hostile.             For these reasons we continue to support Compass and Lambda Legal – as well as some other advocacy groups. It is with these associations that prophetic ministry is most effective. Unfortunately, religious groups are either hostile or almost consumed by their own internal battles.             Although we are unsympathetic with those who are passive “professional victims,” it would be too easy in our situation to be lulled into complacency with regard to the multitudes of innocent casualties of unjust discrimination and bullying! Films such as A Love To Hide are constructive reminders to those of us who are able to live well.

Bob snapped this picture of a strolling blue heron in the back yard (5^th).

Rich stumbled across his comment made in response to a news item in the July archives of the online Episcopal News Service. [(www.episcopalchurch.org/elife) - more specifically at (if the link is still working) www.episcopalchurch.org/81847_81873_ENG_HTM.htm] He likes to submit his opinion - which is always civilized even if faulty. The two Bristol Episcopal congregations (Trinity Church and St. John’s Church) went renegade-narcissistic-fundamentalist, the former with “charismatic” rectors unable to agree to differ they who drove away many of the wonderful people who were there in our day. It is sad that so many rectors can control and/or alienate rather than lead and pastor. Their grasp of Anglicanism is seriously deficient, which makes one wonder about the quality of their seminary education! As a Church, we do not have effective accountability processes in place to sort out mismatched, and perhaps maladjusted, clergy.

CONNECTICUT: Bishop invites remaining Episcopalians at Bristol parish to discuss future by Canon Richard T. Nolan • West Palm Beach, Florida Jul 17, 2007             I am truly saddened that Trinity Church, Bristol, is in its current dilemma. My partner (of five decades) and I were residents of Bristol from 1967 to 1994 and for many years members of the parish. While teaching fulltime in Connecticut higher education, I served part-time on the parish staff in educational ministries and as an interim while the rector was on a sabbatical leave.             After we left Trinity in 1974 to serve a rural Connecticut congregation, at the bishop's request, the parish took a turn in a charismatic, fundamentalist direction under a new rector, and it continued in that spirit with those who chose to remain members.             Bob and I never experienced any difficulty with Trinity's clergy or laity – or as residents in our blue-collar, Italian, Roman Catholic Bristol neighborhood. As a priest, I felt well received in all phases of congregational life. Although we were "out" selectively, even within the parish, those were the days of "don't ask, don't tell." Nevertheless, a reasonably sophisticated eye would have perceived our family life together.             When I served Trinity, it was just taken for granted that we experienced our unity in corporate worship and could agree to differ within the usual Anglican parameters.

A magnolia blossom in the backyard (6^th) – photo by Bob

In good faith we have been asked some personal questions in recent years that might border on TMI (too much information). What follows are some that we recall – with our replies.

Q. Who does the cooking?

A. Neither of us is a cook or chef even in an amateur sense. For us, meals are primarily functional with a significant communal dimension. Rich usually prepares the three daily meals, sometimes with Bob’s help. (When Rich is under the weather, Bob does it all.) Bob cleans up, sometimes with Rich’s help, especially if it has been a meal requiring lots of pans, plates, utensils, etc. With some frequency, we go out for lunch – our main meal - at a variety of places – from ordinary to fancy! Rich does most of the grocery shopping – at Publix and Fresh Market – as well as online at Omaha Steaks, Allen Brothers, Impromptu Gourmet, Groton’s Fresh Seafood, Net Grocer, Schwan’s, Yankee Trader Seafood, and Chateau Pastene. As non-chefs, we are assured of good quality food by patronizing these outlets.

Q. What about house and car maintenance?

A. Bob takes care of all of these matters. Rich has no talent for such details and only recently learned where the main water valve is for the house! When he occasionally tries to do something of this nature, most of the time it gets botched up! J Bob also supplements lawn/foliage care above and beyond what is done by our Homeowners Association and our private grounds man (who is especially attentive after storms).

Q. Who manages your financial resources?

A. Both of us. Rich manages our household expenses and records. Bob deals with investments and our brokerage firm, etc. Although all of our accounts are in both names, we administer separately certain expenses/disbursements in accounts designed for our independent spending. This works well for us, because Rich is more the impulsive spender, Bob the more deliberative. We understand each of our bookkeeping systems, although Rich’s is more elaborate. We are both committed to paying all monthly bills in full.

Q. What do you do separately?

A.  When we are both at home (which is most of the time), except for meals we are likely to spend considerable daytime in our separate office/study/reading spaces – on the east and west sides of the house. Of course, we go back and forth as things come up that we want to share. Rich naps daily soon after lunch from one to three hours, depending on the prior night. (He usually rises around 4 a.m., Bob around 7) We do some errands alone. On most early Sunday evenings Bob goes out to a local gay bar for conversations with a number of others in our general age bracket that he has come to know.

Q. Do you both drink socially?

A. No. Rich does not like the taste of alcohol at all, and a small amount of wine makes him somewhat dizzy. Bob usually has two drinks at the bar, and at home he has a daily couple of ounces of wine.

Q. Do you use recreational drugs or smoke?

A. No. However, Rich jokes about being a toxic waste dump, because of his many monitored, prescribed medications.

Q. What do you do at night?

A. Other than the occasional night out at a fund raiser, Saturday church, or other special occasions, we look forward to watching TV or a DVD at about 7 as often as possible. Rich often drifts off around 9, sometimes 10. Evenings are his most difficult time in terms of stamina.

Q. Many older couples together for a long time seem to have become platonic in their mutual devotion; is this your experience, too?

A. No. (We regard anything more than this response as definitely TMI.)

Q. Have you ever talked about dying?

A. Yes, especially since Rich’s major stomach surgery a couple of years ago – immediately after which he had a close call. It is, of course, a very troubling topic. We cannot imagine the overwhelming loneliness for the survivor. Intellectually we realize that people do cope with the loss of a partner, as we witnessed in our mothers, and their lives go on – though diminished. We are sure that there will never be a neutralizing “closure” - while we trust that God will provide sufficient power to cope. We have a symbolic, light-hearted pact: the one who first enters the next life will give the survivor a year to put things in order and will then return to welcome him, too. We both feel strongly that at our age the survivor will not want to date, while associations among friends will continue. (Neither of us knows how to be single.)

Q. Are you both religious?

A. Neither of us likes that word. We live our daily lives in the “covenant community” within a firm awareness of what we understand as the basics of “biblical religion.” At home, we pray a “grace” at the main meal – around noon; we occasionally have a home Eucharist and mutual laying-on-of-hands; we worship at St. Andrew’s (not weekly any longer, mostly for reasons of Rich’s health); and, we may separately pray now and then.

Raised as New England “low church” Episcopalians, neither of us is inclined toward (a) elaborate or lengthy ceremonies (especially those punctuated by pseudo-intimate gestures and babbling announcements); (b) reverence toward Saints (many were just plain nuts); (c) trendy “spirituality”; (d) mechanically/routinely reading the Bible; (e) mechanical, formal, daily prayer; (f) certain parish events; and/or (g) public piety (appearances/practices that convey exaggerated religiosity). Frankly, we are repulsed by many of the religious practices we hear about today, even if they are ancient. We wonder if historically all the peripherals and “spiritualities” around are symptomatic of the lives of inwardly lonely or troubled individuals – and even of some who want to become Godlike. So much of it seems harmful or like “peasant religion.”

Q. What is your actual relationship to the Episcopal Church?

A. Cradle Episcopalians, we regard the Episcopal Church as one of the significant communities in which we faithfully participate. As a communal vehicle of the Gospel, the Church is the major instrument for basically nurturing who we are and what we are called to do. Rich is a priest and canon, but he sees himself as a layman who has been educated and ordained for specific ministries in an assembly of like-minded, like-hearted, Christian people. [On an occasion at our Hartford Cathedral, Rich addressed a group on some topic in contemporary ethics. Two of the bishops were on hand. When Rich was asked whether he looked to the Church for solutions to current ethical issues, he almost too quickly responded, “Good grief, no!” Everyone, including the bishops, chuckled – appreciative of his candor and perhaps in some degree of agreement.]

Q. Do you have many friends?

A. Yes, but intentionally none with whom we do most everything – as was the case years ago with a few Connecticut friends; those days were terrific, but different from today. We have always avoided mutually smothering relationships. Our current network of friends is diverse, dependable, and delightful.

Q. What are your relationships like with your blood relatives?

A.  Most relatives have gone their own ways, as have we. We are in close touch with very few. (There is a history of animosity or cultivated indifference towards us on the part of many of Rich’s relatives.)

Q. What would you change now, if you could?

A. Medical problems would be resolved.

Q. Do you ever plan to travel?

A. No. We really enjoy being at home, and it is such a hassle to go anywhere – especially with Rich’s diet and need for a wheelchair or scooter on hard surfaces. Our last trip was our memorable 2005 weekend in New York for our 50^th anniversary Service at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine. We are very thankful that in years past we traveled to England, to the USA West Coast by car, along the Eastern seaboard by auto from New Hampshire/Vermont to Florida (as far as Key West), and in more recent years to Florida’s West Coast and some Smoky Mountain regions. While living in Connecticut, we frequently visited New York City, Boston, and Cape Cod. Now our “traveling” is by DVD!

Q. Do you have any major regrets?

A. Rich - Not really, although I do regret mouthing off hurtfully to a few people, including a small number of students, over the years. Bob - No regrets about our relationship and the way we have lived. I do regret that same-sex couples still are denied equal spousal rights under the law.

Q. What would you do, if you won the Florida lottery?

A. We do play the lottery minimally almost every week, often twice a week. Unless a win happens to be spectacular (over twenty million), we would invest the (about 50%) after-taxes sum, so that we would be virtually assured of whatever eldercare might be needed in the future. Beyond that amount, we would sort out our options at the time. We are not interested in moving from our home to a larger house, unless we reached a point when live-in care is absolutely necessary. The thought of a “straight” nursing home for one or both of us is alarming.

Q. Who will be your heirs?

A. For the most part, various charitable organizations.

Ann (l) and Jo (r) - A birthday luncheon for Ann at The Olive Garden (7th) 

 

In preparation for the September ad about our Scrapbook website in EPISCOPAL LIFE, especially “Soul Mates ...”, we have been researching and sending many documents to Katie, our webmaster, for inclusion within our respective CV categories “Biographical Information – Miscellaneous Documents.”  It has been engaging – and quite a trip to the past – to discover many news clippings, supportive letters, R.O.T.C. items, etc.

While traveling through possible items for “Miscellaneous Documents” (see subsite “Bob and Rich”, our CVs, and Biographical Information) we noticed that when Rich’s first book The Diaconate Now (1968) was published, Bob’s name was not included anywhere; Rich’s mother was mentioned as having proofread the galleys with him during a Fort Lauderdale vacation. However, in his doctoral dissertation (1973), among the acknowledgements was this Preface entry: “The continuing friendship of Robert C. Pingpank since freshman year at Trinity College has sustained me, especially during those periods when one is attempted to abandon a dissertation and pour contempt upon all scholarship! His support and encouragement have been vital.” Interestingly, none of Rich’s doctoral committee members ever asked about Bob. “Don’t ask, don’t tell?”

In the three editions (7^th, 8^th & 9^th) of Living Issues In Philosophy (1979, 1986, and 1995) and in Living Issues in Ethics (1982 and 2000) [Rich was a coauthor of both titles], the Prefaces acknowledged (with understatement) Bob’s assistance with the proofreading. The truth of the matter is that, working together, we read aloud every word and punctuation mark of the publisher’s galleys to detect possible errors; there were always a number of significant mistakes! So utterly time consuming and boring; yet so essential!

The emergence of our coauthored SOUL MATES ..... (online, 2004) required full collaboration – as do our Christmas letters/journal.

On Saturday (11th) afternoon Ann brought us her hot-out-of-the-oven Italian Zucchini Casserole (enough for two meals) as well as a freshly made chocolate pound cake with chocolate bits! Because Bob was to have his main meal at Integrity, we feasted at noon the next day – with some additional breaded cauliflower pieces, which Rich ate cold as his mid-morning and mid-afternoon snacks!

Bob’s routine check-up (13^th) with our primary care physician’s nurse-assistant went well – with unsurprising adjustments in medications and a further test to be scheduled elsewhere.  From our point of view, though, it is irritating to be scheduled for 9 a.m. (at the same time as someone else) and be seen at 9:50. However, the medical care is unrushed and excellent. Moreover, health care professionals everywhere are notorious for being behind schedule.

In the afternoon our computer technician Jessica made another house call to configure a new laptop and to network our printers and computers - which enrich our days immensely with the incredible variety of resources they provide.

We were very upbeat (14^th) when our decorator Teresa visited to plan some interior renewal (www.davishomedecor.biz). In 1995 she masterfully and tastefully established our home’s décor by (for the most part) utilizing items from our CT home, our Fort Lauderdale condo, and Elizabeth’s (Rich’s mother) condo. Four years later Teresa directed the installation of new kitchen and kitchen nook flooring and Corian countertops. Now she will direct and coordinate some major interior painting with new colors, the reupholstering of a family-room chair (damaged by certain canine creatures frequently digging to build a nest for their comfort!), the replacement of a corroding shower grab bar, and refurbishing of the rollers on the sliding doors to the lakeside porch. Teresa not only understands our preferences, but she also knows the right professionals to undertake the jobs. Having an expert advise us and coordinate the whole project works out beautifully! Moreover, she screens her workers so that they are gay-friendly.

In the afternoon we took delivery on a newly framed, Trinity College article (www.nolan-pingpank.com/bob_rich/trinity-rptr_spring07.htm) which means so much to us. It just seems fitting to have begun our life together at Trinity (though with so much uncertainty) and now these decades later to be embraced publicly by our alma mater. We are most appreciative!

Episodes of high and then low sugar came along to disrupt the day (15^th). An unpredictable nuisance!

A new, revealing “Behind The Scenes” is in preparation for the “Miscellaneous Documents” of Rich’s CV. The disclosures of some difficult and challenging career events are intended to probe more deeply than the cheery newspaper articles and letters of reference. (Do visit www.nolan-pingpank.com/nolan/misc_rnolan.htm!) We hope to complete “Behind the Scenes” by early September. 

Ray – after our (16^th) luncheon celebration of his 62^nd birthday (13^th) at Legal Seafood

We use a number of Hewlett-Packard computer products, and they have been a very fine quality. The Service via telephone is another matter. A week-old color laser printer was problematic with regard to legal size paper. A Friday 5 p.m. telephone call resulted in some initial data gathering by an efficient receptionist. Then the wait – to dreadful music and occasional messages asking for patience. While waiting, Bob got down on his hands and knees to look inside the printer; with a flashlight he discovered that the paper drawer was taped shut way in the rear of the interior base!

Having followed the set-up directions to the letter, Bob was amazed that there was no reference whatsoever to the tape and the need for removing it. He solved the problem before technical support answered (probably from India, as with Microsoft) and hung up. Of course, the hang-up could have been a disconnect, but HP never called to determine the reason for the cut-off. Consequently, we never learned whether we were to be greeted by a dedicated professional with a barely understandable accent!

Bob went to the annual Chocolate and Wine Extravaganza that started at 5 p.m. Sunday (19^th). He said it was packed, and everyone seem to be having a fine time.

During lunch at home (21^st) about 12:28 we heard what we thought right away sounded like a sonic boom. Within a minute the tv news (which we happen to be watching) interrupted to cover the landing of the Endeavour.

from the NASA ENDEAVOUR LANDING BLOG on our local NBC affiliate (read from the bottom for the correct sequence):
12:32 p.m. - Landing gear is down and locked. ...Main gear touchdown. ...Nose gear touchdown. Endeavour is rolling out on Kennedy Space Center's Runway 15 on a warm and sunny Florida afternoon.
Wheel stop! Endeavour is officially home after a 13-day, nearly 5.2-million-mile mission.
12:29 p.m. - The shuttle's signature twin sonic booms just sliced through the silence at Kennedy Space Center, a loud but welcome sign that Endeavour and its seven astronauts will arrive shortly. Stand by.

In recent years it has been cloudy every time a spacecraft was launched, and we have never before heard the sonic boom during a landing. Rather exhilarating to “participate” in a homecoming this way! At www.nolan-pingpank.com/welcome click on “Shuttle Launches” (near the bottom of the page). The evening pictures were taken from our front yard.

We just firmed up a visit from Rich’s cousin/godchild Roberta for Labor Day weekend. Her husband, two young daughters, and parents (a maternal aunt – just 7 years older than Rich – and her husband) will arrive from Lakeland (near Florida’s west coast) on Saturday and leave on Monday. They will be lodged comfortably at a nearby hotel. We are very much looking forward to this reunion. We’ll not doubt have some pictures for September’s letter segment.

Rich received three lovely emails (22^nd-23^rd) – one from a now 30-year-old, brilliant, former student who is a paramedic and fireman-in-the-making currently living in Ohio with his wife and baby daughter. He wrote, “I think of your class almost daily as I find it difficult not to reflect on my day.” He went on to describe his involvements in life and death situations in which philosophical issues abound. Another email was from an Episcopal priest who found helpful something Rich wrote in a sermon and was published (without his knowledge) in a sermon writing resource. The sermon was lifted from www.philosophy-religion.org/reflections/fight.htm. A paramedic and a priest – both in saving vocations! That they cared to write was very touching. The third was from Oxford from a scholar who was able to find a significant essay by philosopher John Macmurray online only on our www.philosophy-religion.org. Gratifying!

At 4 p.m. on Sunday (26^th) we were present at a Compass gathering of about 50 in a Palm Beach home. We chatted with a number of delightful people and enjoyed unique hors d’ouervs. All of us were updated on the ongoing development of Compass (now the 5^th largest USA agency of its kind.) It is preparing to relocate from West Palm Beach to Lake Worth. (www.compassglcc.com)

Rich couldn't resist sending a note to MSNBC (31st): “Thank you for including so much of the Memorial Service for the late Princess Diana. However, may I suggest that in the future you put a gag on commentators who yak away without any significance whatsoever during spoken and musical parts of a Service?” We are aware that such letters might have no effect whatsoever, but if enough people happen to note the same matter, the recipients just might be moved a bit to reconsider their handling of the issue.

Other than Bob’s MD visit, the last week of August was uneventful, the whole month very easygoing with the usual church Services and luncheon visits to nearby eateries.

SEPTEMBER 

The month began unusually and most happily on the Labor Day Weekend with the arrival (1^st) of Rich’s Aunt Barbara and Uncle Bob, their youngest daughter Roberta and her husband Randy, and their young daughters Jessica and Emily. Barb (only 7 years older than we are) and Bob (similar age difference) have “officially” known Bob since our college days as Rich’s “best friend.” Roberta is Rich’s only godchild; she was his first baptism in 1965 (to which he added an “Ooops” as too much water nearly covered her face). During recent years, Rich and Roberta have kept in close touch. We had last seen Bob and Barb at Rich’s grandmother’s funeral in 1986 (we cannot recall whether Bob was actually present). For this weekend’s visit they stayed at a nearby hotel through Monday morning (3^rd).

Saturday afternoon and evening we spent catching up and reminiscing – as well as enjoying a supper of Rich’s mother’s familiar, hamburg casserole. On Sunday a surprise for our guests: a stretch limo arrived at 11:15, and we were off to the Breakers for luncheon. The Seafood Bar (oceanside restaurant) is terrific, but reservations are not accepted. However, Rich faxed the Breakers in the early morning and requested that particular odds and ends be arranged for us, if possible and convenient for the staff.

clockwise: Emily, Jessica, Barb, Bob, Bob, Rich, Randy, Roberta

No sooner had we exited from the limo at the (west) main entrance than a uniformed Breakers staff person greeted Rich by name (he knew Rich would be in a wheelchair), pushed the wheelchair toward the eastern ocean side restaurant, and on the way toured some of the (vacant) grand ballrooms and dining rooms with brief explanations of their histories. When we arrived at the Seafood Bar, we were again greeted personally and taken to a table arranged for eight with a view of the beautiful blue ocean on that sunny day. Our waitperson David could not have been more personable and efficient. Jessica and Emily had children’s menus, and the adults the wonderful luncheon menu. The food, of course, was delectable – with rather incredible desserts. On the way home we toured the ocean road – and saw Trump’s ornate Mar-a-Lago.

Photos of the weekend may (soon) be found in the Bob and Rich subsite – album 12.

On Labor Day eve we learned of the death of Darryl Andrews, 49, our friend Dorothy’s oldest son, after a brief illness. Flying from Florida to Connecticut on Friday, Dorothy was able to be on hand. How very sad!

In the morning sun our lakeside Haliconia were more vivid than this picture shows on Sept. 5th.

Returning from some morning errands, Bob spotted a large turtle resting at the side of our street. Rich retrieved it and noticed its markings and size were compatible with ones we had placed in our lake several years ago. Bob had seen them occasionally sunning themselves at our banking, but this one was too adventurous and might have become lost.

Along with Rich, the turtle squinted in the mid-morning sunlight. After this picture was taken, he released the turtle into the lake at our relatively steep banking – as Bob held onto Rich to prevent him from joining the creature! It swam away vigorously!

in 1958 One of our Trinity College religion professors Dr. Theodor M. Mauch (above) has died after several years in the clouds of dementia. Bob wrote a term paper “Immortality and Resurrection” in the 1959 course he completed with Dr. Mauch. We both took the course at the same time. For Rich, Dr. Mauch was among his most significant teachers. (Please visit Bob’s paper at www.philosophy-religion.org/bible/immortality-resurrection.htm ; a paper by Dr. Mauch is at www.philosophy-religion.org/faith/philippians.htm along with one of his 50 or so Bible dictionary articles.)

Rich received word (7th) that Madeleine L’Engle (above in 2001) just died. Many years ago, while he was part-time pastor of Saint Paul’s Parish (Bantam, CT), she preached once or twice and would occasionally be in the congregation. He visited Madeleine in her nearby home Crosswicks, and, although she did not know him well, she most graciously went over a few matters connected with his (then in progress) commentary on the Prayer Book Catechism. Afterwards she dropped Rich a follow-up note of thanks for the commentary’s preservation of the historicity of the Resurrection of Christ – to be precise, that the event was more than a mere metaphor or the disciples’ subjective experience. (www.philosophy-religion.org/catechism) This much appreciated sharing of ideas occurred in 1985, when Madeleine also suggested that he join The Authors Guild - which she was serving as president. Her association with the Cathedral of St. John the Divine began soon after Rich left there in the 1960s, and to this day she is listed with the Cathedral’s website as “Madeleine L’Engle Franklin, Librarian”. We were grateful for her willingness to serve on the Advisory Board of the Litchfield Institute. (www.philosophy-religion.org/nolan/pdfs/litchfield-institute.pdf) Rich last talked with her (briefly) when she spoke at Bethesda, and he was struck again by her warmth and affability. Without Madeleine L’Engle, there is less grace in the world.

Bob went through the nuisances of a colonoscopy (7^th) and its unpleasant preparations the day before. The report was first-rate, an improvement over the one five years ago.

On Sunday (9^th) our paid, annual anniversary announcement with our photo was in the Palm Beach Post. (See http://philosophy-religion.org/bob_rich/pbp_090907.htm/.) We have been funding this for three years as our small way of challenging the radical “Christian” right in our region and even more importantly to try to tarnish the caricature that same-sex relationships cannot last. Perhaps a parent of a young, gay teenager - or the teenager him/herself - might become more optimistic about his/her future. Furthermore, gay subcultures need to embrace long-term commitments as possible, too.

Also on Sunday we heard about the death of Bob Gronlund, 81, who had been fighting cancer for years. His remarkable wife of 56 years “Dotti” (her preferred spelling) must be devastated! We came to know the Gronlunds a bit at Bethesda, Palm Beach, but in recent years lost touch except for Christmas card exchanges. A Lutheran minister as well as an Episcopal congregant, Bob officiated at the Eucharist and addressed Integrity-Palm Beach a couple of years ago.

 

This seems to be a month of more deaths than we normally experience in a year! A notice from the Diocese of Connecticut: The Episcopal Diocese of Connecticut September 10, 2007 The Rev. Frank Newton Howden, priest of the Diocese of Connecticut, died on August 28, 2007, in England. His funeral will be Thursday, September 13, 2007, at 10:30 in the morning in Trinity Church, 484 Lime Rock Road, Lime Rock, Connecticut. The Rt. Rev. Andrew D. Smith will preside. old photo found via a Goggle search During the 6-month sabbatical of the rector of Trinity Parish (Bristol, CT) Rich served as part-time interim for a while, and Newt served as part-time minister for pastoral concerns and eventually interim. They were poles apart on so much, but got along well. He always reminded Rich of a perfect likeness of a generic Archbishop of Canterbury! Newt had a wonderful sense of humor and was devout in the best sense. He taught history fulltime at the technical college in Waterbury when they served Trinity together.

Vance O. joined us for lunch (11^th) two days before his well-planned move to Mexico. Vance was the primary founder of Integrity-Palm Beach and was instrumental in our joining Saint Andrew’s Church, where Integrity would be a parish activity. (after lunch photos below) It is wonderful to have e-mail so that we can keep in touch so easily.

 

 

AAA-SOUTH sent Rich an e-mail (12^th) with this notice: Review and confirm your Membership information. You'll then have the option to add eligible family members at a special low rate of just $15 each.

He completed the form with our accurate information. The application was processed; “other” was checked as our relationship, and of course, Bob’s address is the same; the $15 charged to Rich’s AX account. A receipt came through with:

Thank You for Your Purchase   AAA Membership Amount Paid  MR ROBERT C PINGPANK   Amount Paid: $15.00

This is encouraging, but if AAA-South should try to cancel (on the grounds that same-sex families were not intended beneficiaries of this offer), legal action will be explored!

 

In the late afternoon, after our haircuts, Rich came upon this wonderful remark by the Archbishop of Canterbury: “It helps enormously to have not only the discipline of the daily Offices, the daily Eucharist here, but actually a praying community. Prayers are offered quite early. Every morning, therefore, I have an opportunity to remind myself that what matters is not the Church of England or the Anglican Communion but the act of God in Jesus Christ for the salvation of the world. When I am inclined to think that the whole thing is falling apart and that I am making a more than usually bad job of it, the transforming thing has got to be, and in my experience always is, renewing a sense of gratitude. Whether the Church of England survives or not, whether the archbishop of Canterbury survives or not, Christ still died on the cross and rose again, and that’s enough to keep you going for quite a few lifetimes.” - (www.ncronline.org/NCR_Online/archives2/2007c/091407/091407a.php) Archbishop Rowan Williams National Catholic Reporter, September 14, 2007 This comment is compatible with what we said during our 2004 interview with the BBC as well as boxed February comments (above) beginning with “Subsequent to the conclusion ....” A reconfiguration of the Anglican Communion is not a majr crisis – except for some Anglophiles. A friend/bishop remarked to Rich (13th), “The issue is not sexuality, though of course that is the presenting cause. It fundamentally is whether he grasps and shares the Episcopal Church/USA vision of the church -- a participatory community of laity, clergy, and bishops jointly exercising governance, and a theology and ecclesiology of comprehensiveness (dating to the Elizabethan Settlement). His stance in the quote (and in the larger NCR article from which it comes) is very reminiscent of the position the late Bishop Stephen Bayne took at the 1963 Toronto Anglican Congress and his writings. I am certain the House of Bishops will not back down from the stance taken last March.”

Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year) began last evening (12^th), and as seen from Rich’s study, the flag wafted nicely.

Our (52nd) anniversary was listed in the online “Grapevine” newsletter of the Episcopal Diocese of Southeast Florida. We much appreciate it, especially realizing that there are many anti-gay clergy and laypeople in the diocese. Clergy Prayer List SEPTEMBER 2007 14  Frank A. Smith    Diaconate Dick Nolan & Bob Pingpank  Anniversary

Arriving by email (14^th) was a wonderful anniversary message: Congratulations to both of you on your 52nd. I saw the notices on both the Palm Beach Post and Episcopal Life. You know you are role models. I just love it when I have some despairing younger gay man in front of me at the office who says something like, “It never lasts between two men.” Then I usually say I am not so sure. I know two guys who met at the start of their first year in college and have been together ever since, and that was 50+ years ago. The look of astonishment on their faces followed by hope never ceases to thrill me.

We do not routinely exchange presents/cards on any occasion or holiday, but there was a lovely one from Bob - right by the coffee pot - Rich found when he went for his 4:30 a.m. wake-me-up dose. Frankly, Rich didn’t even think about a card this year, to which Bob generously commented at breakfast, “Good! I often overlook cards!”

Rich had awakened Bob just a bit earlier than usual to hang our anniversary flag outside. Bob smiled and somewhat dazed said, “We don't have an anniversary flag. We had one only for our 50th.” To which, Rich responded profoundly, “Oh!”

Rich then asked Bob if he would like a mug of coffee in bed. “That would be nice.” Moments later, rather loudly, “Bob, I just sloshed some coffee onto the hall rug!” In that he prefers to do all things practical (very wise!), he bounced out of bed and spot cleaned the rug (which had been cleaned just last month by Stanley Steemer).

Breakfast was fine.

We were off to the Palm Beach Yacht Club for our 3^rd anniversary luncheon there. Not members, we are appreciative of the Club’s willingness to welcome us on this date. This year’s pictures are in photo album 11 at www.nolan-pingpank.com/bob_rich.

Friday’s Palm Beach Post has begun to publish the weekly Religion news online – among them (14^th) Spiritual forum will be presented 6:30-7:30 p.m. Saturday at St. Andrew's Episcopal Church, 100 N. Palmway, Lake Worth. A discussion of “Embattled: How to Avoid Burnout and Battle Weariness at Home and at Work” will be led by the Rev. Canon Richard T. Nolan. The forum will be preceded at 6 p.m. by a service of evening prayer. Call (561) 582-6609. Curiously, there were some unfamiliar faces at the Service, but the forum was the usual dozen or so.

During two hurricanes our Tibouchina Granulosa (“Purple Glory Tree”) was knocked over, but it is recovering well.

For the record, we have both added to our CVs a section “Miscellaneous Documents.” Rich included a brief essay “Behind the Scenes,” which reviews some of the negative occurrences during his career path. Please visit “Biographical Information” at (Bob’s) www.nolan-pingpank.com/bob_rich/cv_rpingpank.htm and at (Rich’s) www.nolan-pingpank.com/bob_rich/cv_rnolan.htm.

In about a month from today (16^th) the temperature begins to moderate noticeably. Southeast Florida does have its seasons, including the social “Season” that gets under way early in November.

Rich had a lengthy, catch-up telephone conversation (17^th) with his Aunt Jean and Uncle Elliot. Now in their 80s, they recently moved from their beautiful home on the shore of New Hampshire’s Lake Winnipesaukee. They now live in an excellent, New Hampshire, full-service continuing care, retirement community that offers apartment style living; additionally, the residential community provides home health services, assisted living, and nursing care when needed. An absolutely perfect arrangement – with their three attentive sons and their families nearby!

We would consider that type of setting now – or A.D. (after dogs) – if it would be within our financial means. Unfortunately, we suspect that most such retirement communities would not be welcoming to gay couples – either at the point of admittance or by most residents after we moved in. Another consideration here is that the residence not be within a storm evacuation area – or too far inland, which can mean too many mosquitoes. In this regard, our current home is situated on target.

Rich also exchanged emails (18^th) with Chad R., a former parishioner/friend and community college Dean - now 81 and living in Texas. Chad recently wrote Undaunted: A Norwegian Woman in Frontier Texas – (Texas A&M University Press, 2005) winner of the 2006 Ottis Lock Award for the Best Book on East Texas History and finalist for the 2006 Liz Carpenter Award for the Best Scholarly Book on the History of Women and Texas.
See www.tamu.edu/upress/BOOKS/2005/russell.htm.

The next day (19^th) Joe W. arrived around 11:15, and we immediately drove to the Seafood Bar of the Breakers for lunch. As luck would have it, the same staff member who had toured our family party around the main building (2^nd) was available to provide the equivalent for the three of us.

Joe was Bob’s childhood neighbor, friend, and high school classmate in Thomaston (CT) who went to Trinity College with us. For a number of college years the three of us had almost a daily meal together. Joe taught at the community college with Rich for about 25 years. On this trip Joe’s wife Becky had to remain in CT, because of her mother’s medical circumstances.
Knowing how difficult it is to get Rich to smile for pictures, Bob said something outrageous!

A repair job we have been awaiting for several weeks (20^th) was completed; the crank mechanism for the family room storm shutter had failed. It was just worn out after twelve years of daily use. (It is closed every night as well as during strong storms.)

We were disappointed to learn (21^st) of author/historian Stephen Bates' leave taking from his religion correspondent's post at London's Guardian newspaper. Writing from the House of Bishops meeting in New Orleans, excerpts from his article follows:

This week’s meeting between Rowan Williams and the American bishops will be my swan-song as a religious affairs correspondent, after eight years covering the subject for The Guardian. I’d have been less keen to attend had the venue been Detroit, but where better to end it? It is time to move on for me professionally, and probably for Anglicans too and this marks a suitable place to stop. There is also no doubting, personally, that writing this story has been too corrosive of what faith I had left: indeed watching the way the gay row has played out in the Anglican Communion has cost me my belief in the essential benignity of too many Christians. For the good of my soul, I need to do something else. I had no notion in 2000 that it would come to this: I had thought then that we were all pretty ecumenical these days. I was soon disabused of that. I had scarcely ever met a gay person, certainly not knowingly a gay Christian, and had not given homosexuality and the Church the most cursory thought, much less held an opinion on the matter. But watching and reporting the way gays were referred to, casually, smugly, hypocritically; the way men such as Jeffrey John (and indeed Rowan Williams when he was appointed archbishop) were treated and often lied about, offended my doubtless inadequate sense of justice and humanity. Why would any gay person wish to be a Christian? These are people condemned for who they are, not what they do, despite all the sanctimonious bleating to the contrary, men and women despised for wanting the sort of intimacy that heterosexual people take for granted and that the Church is only too happy to bless. Instead, in 2007, the Church of England and other denominations jump up and down to secure exclusive rights to continue discriminating against a minority of people it does not like. What a spectacle the Church has made of itself! What hope of proselytising in a country which has accepted civil partnerships entirely without rancour or bigotry? I can claim no such loathing for the vast majority of evangelicals, or indeed for evangelicalism, though it is not part of my Roman Catholic religious inheritance. I could scarcely have such a loathing, married as I am to my wife Alice, who is a devoted evangelical and not merely a perfunctory one. Furthermore, our three children have also been brought up in the evangelical tradition. No, it’s not evangelicalism, or evangelicals, I loathe, merely some of the practitioners who have made such a spectacle and scandal of the Church in recent years. They are by no means the majority, though they would like to pretend they are and presume to speak for all the rest. They are the sort of people who claim themselves so superior to their bishops that they won’t allow them to touch them for ordination, or who would not allow the Archbishop of Canterbury to preach from their pulpits (they should be so lucky) for fear that he might dangerously challenge the comfortable beliefs of their flocks, the sort of people who pick and choose the sins that are acceptable and condemn those – always committed by other, lesser people – that are not. Why is remarrying divorced people now OK – allowing them to continue fornicating – but not recognising the lifelong commitment of gay people to each other? Why does the Bishop of Carlisle happily bless nuclear submarines and, for all I know, dogs and cats, but not the unions of people who wish to demonstrate their devotion to each other for ever? The trouble with these people, my wife always says, is that they don’t read their Bibles, for they know nothing of charity. I think she’s right and I am in mortal danger of losing mine. It’s time to move on.

We exchanged mutually supportive e-mails. Please visit a copy of Steve's mention of us in a recent book at http://philosophy-religion.org/bob_rich/main.htm /. We have wondered what it is about the "far right" in both religion and politics that encourages them to hate and lie, and to be so utterly devoid of intellectual humility. The "far left" does not seem to behave with these qualities. The "far right" folks also tend to smirk when they speak – whether delivering sermons or political commentaries!

On Friday (21^st), a repeat performance (beginning about 11:30 a.m.) of Rich's November 4^th, 2006, agonizing abdominal pain set in. There were four such incidents in 2006, the May event requiring a 911 hospitalization – the second time for this problem. With our discovered home remedy (utilizing a generous dose of a prescribed painkiller), it is brought to a tolerable level, but lasts for about three or four very painful hours. It takes a few days of puzzling fatigue to recover completely. No trigger that we are sure of. No medical verdict last year after May's (2006) extensive testing while hospitalized. Unfortunately, some nausea and chills accompanied the concluding moments, and the rest of the Friday afternoon was truly wiped out with exhaustion. By 8 p.m. we were able to watch a DVD for a while. In fact, this one such event so far in 2007 is actually an improvement over last year's four. Effects of the attack lingered through mid-morning Tuesday and sporadically during the next day. We wish we understood the physiology of these episodes – but not enough to ask for more testing! Life goes on!

With Bob's help, Rich was able to complete preparations on a new sermon for the Saturday evening at St. Andrew's. He could not find an old sermon in his files for the assigned biblical readings. It seemed to go along all right, but he was concerned that it was just a so-so effort.

The Tabor Today (fall, 2007) alumni magazine arrived from Tabor Academy. Rich had forgotten that, at the school's request, he submitted an update a few months ago. The note about us has been added to our chronological index at www.nolan-pingpank.com/bob_rich.

Intermittent light and heavy rainstorms have been on the scene for some days now, and it is welcome! We have not had such ongoing precipitation for several years – other than the hurricanes that batter and leave. Our lake is attractively and safely filled. It is amazing, though, how quickly our lake water evaporates if there is comparatively short period of dry weather.

In the August 2007 issue of Hartford Seminary's newspaper PRAXIS (just arrived) the death (at age 88) of Dr. William L. Bradley in April was noted. He was a wonderfully, warm, academically challenging professor of philosophy of religion and Christian ethics when Rich studied with him.

The weather cleared sufficiently during the late afternoon (26^th) for us to attend the 6:30 pm Pride Business Alliance mixer at the lovely Grandview Gardens Bed and Breakfast, West Palm Beach. Ample, exquisite hors d'oeuvres actually provided a satisfying supper. Delightful conversations! We are part of "The Founders Club," which consists of the first individuals and businesses to join the Alliance. At our first gathering in 2005 – also at the Grandview Gardens – there were a dozen of us. Currently the Alliance offers monthly networking opportunities for gay and gay-friendly businesses throughout Palm Beach County. In 2006 Wachovia became the first sponsor of the Alliance, which provides the tools to increase output and begin offering Power Lunches and Breakfasts regularly. The successful, monthly, Wednesday evening mixers attract about 70 members of the community. (www.grandview-gardens.com and http://www.gaypalmbeaches.com)

Yuk! The beginnings of a letter to Episcopalians from our House of Bishops:

House of Bishops               Meeting in New Orleans, Louisiana                 September 25, 2007
"Greetings in the Name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, in whose Name we serve and in whose Cross we glory."
Ordinary, reasonable people just do not use such affected language! How about a moratorium on club language and on familiar, overused theological terms for a year or more? Why not use the sort of everyday language with which Jesus usually communicated? (So often our sermons drop terms as if everyone, including the preachers, know what the words mean. If we could not use those expressions for a while, perhaps we could convey their meanings with everyday words. If not, they were probably empty at the outset.)

The last day of the month (30^th) fell on Sunday. Bob enjoyed a noon house blessing/buffet at the newly refurbished home of Tommy G. and Patrick M., St. Andrew's friends. Rich wasn't up to going. Pelting morning rain raised a question mark about attending, because roads can flood riskily in such storms. However, the weather moderated as the morning progressed.

OCTOBER

 In response to a friend's sharing of an email that encouraged people (disenchanted with the Episcopal Church's sluggishness in moving ahead decisively) to not leave the Church, Rich responded to the friend:

Bob and I realize that there has been enormous progress - more than we ever expected to witness. The evolution of inclusivity and supported patterns of relationships is slow; as this unfolding takes place, there are inevitable tensions between "preservers" and "pioneers" in all related human associations, and this is fundamentally good - even though people suffer along the way to the perfected Kingdom. (Human beings also suffer as the evolution of nature slowly progresses.)             Quite frankly, whatever the Churches do or do not do has little bearing on our life together. We're most interested in the spousal benefits at state and federal levels. It is secular organizations like Compass, Lambda Legal, and the PBHRC that are the effective prophetic agencies in these matters. This, too, is a matter of evolution - and it will be at least another century before these revolutionary cultural issues are settled.             The biggest hurdle is the needed public education on perceiving gay persons in their (emotional, sensual, and genital) totality rather than in terms of genital acts alone. (At the same time, candid research has to be more aggressive regarding the potential, medically related harmfulness of particular sexual acts for all people.) Moreover, as a piece of the educational package there is a long way to go before there is widespread, genuine support for the culture-changing "school of thought" that upholds sexual acts as primarily for expressions of mutual love and secondarily for planned baby-making.             The ritualizing of covenants between individuals will never be an effective insurance policy for their staying power. That has to come from within – from a couple's own hearts and minds. The availability of effective preparation for such commitments is sorely lacking, regardless of sexual orientation. Just "getting married" - as things are - is to become a participant in a largely failed institution. (The secular benefits and responsibilities, however labeled, are more to the point.)             Anyhow, leaving the imperfect yet evolving Church makes no more sense than leaving the imperfect yet evolving Nation, unless the impact of their respective fundamentals have become impossibly victimizing. Here, though, those exiting from either need to do a reality check on whether they are willing to live only in perfected associations; if that's the case, they are doomed to wandering. Cradle Episcopalians, Bob and I are focused on the Good News of our baptismal identity and vocation – which is not impaired by the Church's very slow unfolding. The faithful clumsiness of caring saints on all sides of the current Anglican reconfiguration-in-progress need not touch one's Faith whatsoever. Nudged by the Holy Spirit, the whole moment will be set right in time. In the meantime, life goes on, the Serenity Prayer as useful as ever.

A much better strategy on the Church's part would be to encourage and support appropriately those many secular agencies competent and equipped to affect genuine change in the lives of people.

Luncheon (2^nd) at Romano’s Macaroni Grill in Boynton Beach with Dorothy A. (whose 49 year-old-son died last month) was as enjoyable as it could be. A parent losing a child of any age is an extremely tough situation to cope with.

Our beloved dogs Comes and Tenno (half brothers) are 12, which multiplied by 7 is 84 in human terms; if this is a reasonable approximation, they too are "old men." A recent visit to the vet for the annually required rabies shots and other routine care indicated again some heart troubles (common to elder Cavaliers and Nolans).             Tenno's subsequent visit (3rd) involved a complete dental cleaning and one extraction (for which he had to have an ECG and be anaesthetized); add the major blood profile and other necessary aspects of the visit, and it was quite a day for him. Wonderfully, when he awakened and Bob brought him home, his tail was characteristically wagging in huge circles!             Cavalier King Charles Spaniels are a wonderful breed whose British origins were in the 1600s. However, as pedigreed dogs created (in their present evolutionary form) in the 20th century, they deserve a great deal of attention/grooming – most of which Bob provides.             Costs of medical care are such that we maintain a category for ours within our budget. We know that they have always had the best possible health care. We do caution people interested in having Cavaliers as pets that they are a high maintenance pet. The "return" from them via their company, however, is incalculable.             There was a senior citizen's discount on Tenno's invoice. We are unsure whether that refers to him or to us! J

Flu shots were provided (3^rd) in the River Bridge (our residential community) Performance Center. Once the initial paper work was completed, Rich and Bob were very kindly ushered to the head of the other old folks waiting in line. We assumed that others in wheel chairs were given the same, much appreciated consideration. Frankly though, the wheelchair (needed for hard surfaces) would have made it comfortable for us to wait along with everyone else. Rich kidded afterwards that he must be looking more pathetic than ever to warrant such attention! J As in past years, for a few days afterwards Bob experienced some mild reactions to the shot.

    
Two Florida Wood Storks (an endangered species) have been visiting our lake recently, but always too far across the lake for us to take their picture. They mix easily with the Egrets.

Feeling energetic (4^th), Rich headed off to the main Palm Beach County library at 8:45 a.m. to try to find two names – deceased clergy (one from California, the other from the Church of South India) who had contributed to his The Diaconate Now (1968). He was updating the brief biographies of the contributors to load online with the book. (www.philosophy-religion.org) The internet had yielded nothing useful. Nowhere could either name be found; he reminded himself that only university libraries are apt to have such information. At any rate, the library floor – though nicely carpeted – was doing a job on his feet after a half hour's visit. Whoever thought that it would be an "event" for him to drive to the library, just 20 minutes away – with a tote bag containing a few possibly needed health related items?! Days later he learned only the date of death of the Church of South India bishop from the Lambeth Palace Library – which expressed surprise that they had so little information on one of the founding bishops of that Church.  

The library is much larger than it appears in the above photo. A truck is at the main entrance, and the building extends to the right well beyond that. The photo was taken early on a Sunday morning (7^th). A fine branch library is nearer the house within our Greenacres municipality.

Disappointing! After a great morning, not more than ten minutes into a chef salad lunch at home, Rich began to feel the diabetic (low sugar) "jiggles" coming on. He needed to lie down, but within fifteen minutes felt much better and finished lunch in bed. (When we bought electric beds for both bedrooms, we did not realize how much varied use they would have.) Nonetheless, as usual when these episodes occur, he slept until mid-afternoon – when he awoke feeling again very well.

A few years ago a friend told us that his therapist recommended that he acquire a small cactus plant as a symbol of the many worthwhile processes (such as personal growth) which can take quite a while. Rich especially liked the symbolic value, because he often likes to get things done (too) quickly. This week the plant (actually two varieties) had grown so much that it needed a second replanting in a larger container. We stumbled across an inexpensive glass bowl in a River Bridge Centre consignment shop; Bob trimmed the cacti again and replanted them. We suppose that one could add to the symbolism: their mutually tolerant development, the need for a trim now and then – not necessarily attractive at first, their move as a single plant to a new habitat with sufficient area for freer expansion, and the transformation of an old glass bowl into a lovely flowerpot! Is there an quasi-Easter theme here somewhere?

The marriage (5^th) on the Today Show (by a Lutheran pastor) for a stunning couple was very touching to observe. The homily beginning the Service was just a bit too wordy, but very much on target. However, there was not one prayer or reading from Scripture! All of the music was secular. As they happily exited, the couple's behavior was natural, but somewhat lacking appropriate decorum. This event is a fine metaphor for what contemporary clergy and rites of passage are all about: minimal indications of a religious heritage (clergy wearing a collar; vows including a Trinitarian invocation) plus a 99% secular content. It seems that many clergy – as functionaries of a public utility - are only too happy to oblige.  This was another of many examples of what sociologist Peter Berger (one of Rich's teachers) called "the sacred canopy" – the imposition of decorative religiosity over an otherwise secular occasion, in order to "sanctify" it!

Well-intentioned and potentially rich with meaning, a "Blessing of Animals" liturgy was on many churches' calendars for the first weekend in October in observance of the Feast Day of St. Francis (actually on the 4^th). However, it has evolved into sappy (and sometimes noisy, messy) entertainment – with a noticeable number of seemingly demented, non-church folks arriving to claim a bit of magic. If one actually studies the life and thought of Francis, one does not meet an exemplary, wholesome figure at all – but a  severely neurotic, quite masochistic, personality able to "love" the universe, but not one human being personally.

An excellent report from Bob's appointment (8^th) from our primary care MD's office. We see his thorough, competent nurse assistant, which is fine, although she is only slightly better than her boss vis-à-vis punctuality. [Rich has been avoiding her "thoroughness" (i.e., eager to test), because his endocrinologist – seen regularly - is his primary medical monitor.]

In response to an article within the official Episcopal Life Online "Council of African Anglican Provinces, CAPA Primates issue communiqués" (reporting on further right wing hysterics from some African Anglicans) - By Canon Richard T. Nolan • West Palm Beach, Florida Oct 09, 2007 So much time and energy is being wasted! Even Holy Water and Holy Oil won't mix -- no matter how many conferences, meetings, prayers, sermons, etc. Sure, "we have need of each other" -- which includes at least all Christians everywhere. A godly ideal. However, let's be done with a reconfiguration of the Anglican Communion in whatever forms it might take, so that we Episcopalians can again focus on (broadly conceived) worship, religious education, and pastoral care (both internal & community).

We watched (11th) a DVD documentary “The Celluloid Closet” (1995) – which brought back many memories, pleasant and unpleasant, of attitudes we both experienced and coped with from our childhood years through the 90s. We recommend it for those who are unfamiliar with 20th century (and 21st century Bible Belt) cultural assumptions in the United States about gay and lesbian people. Despite the occasional coarse language used by some commentators, courageous church groups and secondary schools would benefit their members/students enormously by offering “The Celluloid Closet.” We had each other as buffers between those treacherous prejudices and our own developing family life. After viewing the DVD, we wondered aloud how we might have been seriously harmed, if we had been single. The damage inflicted on so many GLBT people over the centuries has been a psychological holocaust of sorts. In time, sexual orientations will be understood as is left-handedness – once regarded as a sign of sinister qualities and a barrier to ordination! What is morally relevant is what one chooses to do with one’s left-handedness, the same ethical accountability as for right-handed people. The same is true for all expressions of sexual orientations: how does one choose to behave, wherever one’s nature lies along the sexual orientations spectrum?

Word reached (11^th) us that the interior painting, etc. of our home was delayed until the 2^nd week of November, but would be completed no later than Thanksgiving Eve.

Luncheon (12^th) with Ray at the Okeechobee Steak House, which will celebrate its 60^th birthday next week – a rare event in West Palm Beach. Excellent food!  www.okeesteakhouse.com

It was announced that former Vice President Al Gore is to receive a Nobel Prize for Peace; he had already received an Oscar for his documentary “An Inconvenient Truth.” He was elected President by the majority of the population, but denied the Electoral College election – because of a Florida, Republican, crazy-lady-politician’s maneuverings of the now untrustworthy Supreme Court. Both of us are Independents, so we have no party ax to grind; yet we are astonished by the gross incompetence of the Bush White House. It is so clear that Gore would have been a superior President.

Saturday (13^th) started out superbly, but shortly after lunch at home (spinach lasagna from the Fresh Market, our favorite grocery), Rich sensed that all was not well. Within a few hours a repeat of Sept. 21^st abdominal attack set in. At least we now know to endure it – with a wastebasket handy just in case; it was suddenly needed. Recovery took a few hours, and then Rich fell asleep.

Right on time (mid-October) a noticeable, cooler change in the weather is taking place. This opens up the greater possibility of the use of our lakeside porch.

We cannot recall ever bring it up before, but, for whatever reasons, we mentioned briefly that there has never been any competition between us. We have a number of dissimilar interests. “Household management” has evolved cooperatively with both of us taking responsibility for aspects with which we are comfortable; and, we take delight in each other’s varied accomplishments. (This doesn’t preclude some good-natured, creative teasing that both of us can enjoy!) It must be pretty unpleasant when partners/spouses compete with each other for the goal of winning and one-upsmanship. Taken too far, the American value of winning can wreak havoc, or at least diminish, personal relationships.

A Blue Heron in the back yard – photo by Bob through the family room window.
When they take off, they screech a very harsh and unpleasant call.

We continue to work together on our documents from long ago – at the moment a jointly written 1958 term paper “The Problem of Ownership In Christian Political Philosophy” - from the course Philosophy of the State. The items were professionally, but imperfectly, scanned months ago from texts produced with the old ditto process as well as carbon and typed pages. On some, it takes hours to make the necessary corrections. As each is completed, it is sent to our technician for loading onto www.philosophy-religion.org or http://www.nolan-pingpank.com.

Bob’s turn for a blood test (18th).

Palm Beach Post notice (19th): “Third Saturday Forum: ‘Are There Requirements for Forgiveness?’ 6:30-7:30 p.m. Saturday, St. Andrew's Episcopal Church, 100 N. Palmway, Lake Worth. Led by the Rev. Canon Richard T. Nolan. The forum will be preceded at 6 by a service of evening prayer with Communion from the reserved sacrament and optional laying-on-of-hands. Comfortable attire. Call (561) 582-6609.” [The handout is at www.philosophy-religion.org/handouts/forgiveness.htm; last month’s forum on “Differences Between Magic and the Sacraments” is among the indexed items at www.philosophy-religion.org/handouts/contents.htm.]             Afterward the forum we talked about the small number of people generally in attendance, including this one. As we have often said, the market just isn’t there for a voluntary, in-depth, educational exploration that does not include “entertainment.”             By choice, Rich is not compensated for whatever he does in a church, but it has its satisfactions in the few who are on hand, are interested, and participate. Imagine, though, if this activity were to be evaluated in terms of cost effectiveness as a part of one’s livelihood in a parish! So few are interested in what he has to offer about issues so close to our hearts and minds! Such a contrast to his demanding college courses, mostly electives at his insistence, and filled! As expected in the college setting, students received something for completing courses: credits toward a degree! Nothing tangible of that sort can be provided by a church. Just freely offered personal enrichment.

Sat 20 Oct 2007 – from a NYC newspaper account -  HARRY Potter author JK Rowling today revealed that Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts, is gay. The Edinburgh writer made the admission during a question and answer session with fans at New York's Carnegie Hall. She was asked by one young fan if Dumbledore finds “true love”. “Dumbledore is gay,” Rowling replied to gasps and applause. She said he was smitten with rival Gellert Grindelwald, whom he defeated long ago in a battle between good and bad wizards. Ms Rowling told the audience that while working on the planned sixth Potter film, Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince, she spotted a script reference to a girl the wizard once cared for. A note was passed to director David Yates, revealing the truth about him.   About Dumbledore from online “Wikibooks” - Relationships with Other Characters Dumbledore has a strong relationship with many of the key characters of the books, including (but not limited to): Harry Potter, Severus Snape, Tom Marvolo Riddle (also known as Lord Voldemort) and Minerva McGonagall. Analysis Dumbledore was always known as a great wizard. By the end of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, however, many had doubts about why he trusted so many people, especially Snape. It is in this book that his mortality is shown. Though Dumbledore has mainly made brief appearances in the Harry Potter series, he has proved to be an excellent advisor for Harry, and in this way has assisted greatly in Harry's victories over Voldemort.   We think that it would have been better, if Harry were gay! (At 70, we are a little sensitive about portrayals of elder, gay educators.) In any case, he is decently portrayed, if the above analysis is accurate. (We are not fans of the series.) In years past he would have been an evil character of some sort, even a predator, if the author were to admit that he was gay. Further right-wing condemnations of the Harry Potter stories will accompany this year’s denunciations of Halloween - which will boost the author's royalties even further and reinforce what I trust is an passable public image!

The Fresh Market – our favorite nearby grocery!

 

Rich had the occasion to email a lay friend who had been socially snubbed by clergy at his parish church:

In my composite career as a professor, ordained minister, and writer, each area is very caste laden or hierarchical

Among ranked college faculties (whether community colleges or research universities) full professors might include some senior associate professors in their social/professional activities, but certainly not assistant professors or instructors. Unless a Nobel Prize winner type or major donor (building, endowed professorship, etc.), non-faculty mortals would not be included. It would be unthinkable to include a student.

Among writers, there are the great, prize winning writers of books/plays of fiction and non-fiction all the way “down” to those of us who have edited or who have written successful textbooks. Then there are the highly regarded syndicated writers, ranked according to the locus of their writings. Rarely would the various castes gather communally or their members interact with other castes. Publishers and senior editors (who make the decisions as to who gets in print) are courted wherever they go!

In terms of ordained ministers in a hierarchical polity, bishops ordinarily mix with bishops, and so on. Lay people would mix with the bishops, cardinal rectors, etc., only if they are heavy hitters financially or have a significant role in the management of a diocese, peculiar clout, or whatever. (Even most of the canonized Roman Saints are ordained or “religious.” A comparative few are from the laity). Non-hierarchical polities also have their internal castes, no matter what they profess to the contrary.

Even the mythological portrayals of Paradise have ranked “angels and archangels and all the company of heaven.” Paradise is even depicted as a “Kingdom” - not a democracy.

Knowing “one's place” is regrettably (even sinfully) a must; to do otherwise invites real possibilities of hurtful exclusion.

I have no expectations of being included, especially now that I'm retired, in any setting. Even in my former “places” among professors, ordained ministers, and writers, I am a “former” or, “emeritus,” or “ex- ” -- or in unkind words a “has-been” who did his thing quite decently.

Larry King asked retired Henry Kissinger if he missed advising presidents and the like; Kissinger replied something like “Yes, and I'm tempted to telephone former colleagues, or pick up the phone to offer advice, but the reality is, nobody would be on the line anymore.” A wise attitude.

I think it's wise to not expect too much from the Church. It's neither the Gospel nor the egalitarian community it sometimes claims to be. It's very much in an evolving process - and not very far along in its development - sometimes lacking in manners, always conscious of our assigned “places” in its realm.

We watched the Discovery Shuttle launching (23^rd) outside at 11:38 a.m. and ever so briefly saw it over Jo and Ann’s roof across the street. The white trailing streak shut down too quickly for us to take a picture – despite a beautiful day. Dawn or nighttime launchings are better, because the flame at its rear shows up.

 

end of October decorations

Our Halloween flag blowing in the wind!