Well
over twenty years ago Bob and I spent a long Thanksgiving weekend in New York
City. Our hotel room looked out on the huge parade balloons as they floated by
at eye level. In the course of an early holiday meal we telephoned my parents
in Florida. My mother asked me what we were having for dinner. I replied that
we went across the street to a deli for take-out and that Bob had a huge peanut
butter and jelly sandwich and I a plate of spaghetti and meatballs. Truly
moved, Mom burst into tears. How possibly could we have ruined the holiday? We
should have ordered a turkey dinner; that's a family tradition.
Just over two weeks ago on Thanksgiving Day we went to a 10 A.M. buffet at a
restaurant we enjoy. Afterwards we returned home and began to decorate a nine
foot tree with new and old ornaments, some older than we are. When asked by
several people what we did for the day, we were greeted with near disbelief
when we told them of our eccentricity - especially my having had eggs Benedict
and turkey. One or two folks needed to swallow hard, it sounded so oddly
repulsive!
Mom
and Dad had a long list of "shoulds" and "oughts" - as many of us do. Some of
them provide us with appropriate moral guidance for daily living. However, it
seems that most of us do not distinguish between obligations that are truly
crucial and those that are bendable. Among the optional "shoulds" and "oughts"
are holiday observances.
Many
customs and expectations surrounding the Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year
holidays have become essential in the hearts and minds of the majority.
Christmas - especially for lapsed and observant Christians - is overflowing
with mandatory things to do and emotions to feel. Years ago the Kodak
advertisement featuring a three generation, 1940s style family, along with
Norman Rockwell's depictions, educated more people about the supposed
fundamentals of Christmas than any stained glass window or sermon. Kodak and
Rockwell assured us that everyone should be on hand, healthy, and radiant with
unmitigated joy. The sentimental music of Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" and
even an overabundance of Christmas carols accompanied these norms. By
implication, if an individual did not fit those circumstances and sentiments,
implied or stated, they were deficient and second-rate persons.
Think
of those who don't measure up to Rockwellian and Kodakian standards: widows and
widowers; the divorced and otherwise single; those without parents, children or
grandchildren; single parents; those unable to afford impressive gifts;
bisexual, gay and lesbian people and the transgendered; those in a marriage or
partnership which has become embattled or indifferent; those whose relatives
clearly censure them; people out of work involuntarily; individuals suffering
exclusion from associations for any number of evil reasons; those who have been
economically victimized by corrupt business executives; those who are well
partnered but unmarried - for whatever reason; those who contend with health
concerns in themselves and/or those they love; and those suffering from grief.
I'm sure that there are additional circumstances. I'm equally sure that the
relationships idealized by Kodak, Rockwell, and - of course - many religious
groups are a clear minority. Those that don't measure up are in
the vast majority.
Another
negative issue surrounding the holidays is the notion that we're supposed to
give to others unconditionally. Con artists equipped with lies and hard luck
stories know that churches are an easy target for smooth talking as well as
offensive men and women. The rector of Vero Beach has written a fine warning to
churchfolks inclined to be compassionate and too helpful; his essay may be
found in the website address noted in your leaflet tonight.
[www.philosophy-religion.org/criticism/easy.htm] Do not assume that you are
doing the right thing by being inconvenienced or victimized by a scamming
churchgoer. When that happens, especially during this holiday Season, it can
contribute to a losing feeling as soon as it's realized.
A
third factor is excessive busyness. Malls, churches, and parties can be
draining locales during these weeks. We're not obligated to participate in
everything. When we feel too rushed, we might remember that we're as busy as we
want to be. And, a fourth factor, we're often with too many people we really
don't want to be with; additionally, we may have too many houseguests.
The
National Mental Health Association suggests some ways of coping with stress and
depression during the holidays; I've modified them a bit:
- Keep expectations for the holiday season manageable. Try
to set realistic goals for yourself. Pace yourself. Organize your time. Make a
list and prioritize the important activities. Be realistic about what you can
and cannot do. Learn to say "no." Do not put entire focus on just one day
(i.e., Christmas Day); activities can be spread out time-wise to lessen stress
and increase enjoyment.
- Remember that the holiday season does not banish reasons
for feeling sad or lonely; there is room for these feelings to be present.
However, with some constructive planning one can avoid wallowing in negativity
or self-pity.
- Leave "yesteryear" in the past and look toward the
future. Life brings changes. Each season of one's life is different and can be
enjoyed in its own way. Don't set yourself up by comparing today with the "good
old days."
- Do something for someone else. Try volunteering some time
to help others.
- Enjoy activities that are free, such as driving around to
look at holiday decorations, by window shopping without buying, and by
worshipping in a welcoming church.
- Be aware that excessive drinking will only increase
feelings of depression.
- Try something new. Celebrate the holidays in a new way.
Create your own unique time: yes, even a main meal of eggs and turkey, peanut
butter and jelly, or spaghetti at a peculiar hour! Don't get locked into being
with the same people every year, unless you really want to be with
them.
- Spend time with supportive and caring people. Don't get
stuck with disagreeable people, even if they're relatives. Reach out and make
new friends, or contact someone you have not heard from for awhile. However,
even being alone can provide a fine day and is certainly not a
failing.
- Save time for yourself! Recharge your batteries! Let
others share the responsibility of activities.
In
the Gospel reading tonight we heard a beautiful passage wherein John points to
Jesus as the One expected. An additional way that we can cope with and
celebrate this holy season is to stand firmly with John, and above the clamor,
the busyness, the customs, the "shoulds," and our less than perfect
circumstances - point with him to the focal person and event of Christmas: the
annual celebration of the birth of the misfit Jesus the Christ, the One who
courageously lived and truly personifies God's purposes for all humanity.
Within this overall perspective, you and I can more than cope with these weeks;
we can genuinely celebrate the Word who was made flesh and dwelt among us, full
of grace and truth.
The Gospel Reading for the
Service: John 1:6-8, 19-28
There was a man sent from God, whose name was
John. He came as a witness to testify to the light, so that all might believe
through him. He himself was not the light, but he came to testify to the
light.
This is the testimony given by John when the
Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, "Who are you?" He
confessed and did not deny it, but confessed, "I am not the Messiah." And they
asked him, "What then? Are you Elijah?" He said, "I am not." "Are you the
prophet?" He answered, "No." Then they said to him, "Who are you? Let us have
an answer for those who sent us. What do you say about yourself?" He said, "I
am the voice of one crying out in the wilderness, `Make straight the way of the
Lord,'" as the prophet Isaiah said. Now they had been sent from the Pharisees.
They asked him, "Why then are you baptizing if you are neither the Messiah, nor
Elijah, nor the prophet?" John answered them, "I baptize with water. Among you
stands one whom you do not know, the one who is coming after me; I am not
worthy to untie the thong of his sandal." This took place in Bethany across the
Jordan where John was baptizing.